Drinking jokes

[kontempory]

nice one!

i'll give it a try:

what runs in the forest and shoots with a machine gun?

..

Rambi!

(Rambo + Bambi..)

[shihab1919]

SOME MORE JOKES !
A Priest and three nuns were out playing golf. Since the priest was the
better golfer, he went first.
The priest stepped up to the tee and hit the ball, which landed right in
the sand trap. The priest slammed his club down and yelled, "Goddamn
it, I missed!"
The nuns were shocked and said, "Father you mustn't say that, you'll
incur
the wrath of God!"
The priest went over and hit the ball, which landed five feet away in
the
sand trap, the priest said, "Goddamn it I missed again!"
Again the nuns warned him, "Father, you mustn't say that, you'll make
Godangry."
The priest whacked the ball again, this time it flew straight up in the
air and landed at his feet. The priest stomped his feet and yelled, "
Goddamn it! I missed again!!"
Just as the nuns were about to warn him again, a bolt of lightening came
down from the sky and killed one of the nuns...
>From above a thundering voice said, "GODDAMN IT!! I MISSED AGAIN!!!"

[shihab1919]

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the nightwith her
for $500. So they did. Before he left,he told her that he did not have
any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check
and mail it to her, calling the payment as "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the
way to his office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the
whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a
check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) It had never been occupied; 2) That there was plenty of heat;
3) That it was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously
occupied,that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely
toolarge..
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250.00 with the following note:
Dear sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat,
there is plenty if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you
don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the
landlady..

[shihab1919]

EVEN MORE JOKES
Chinese detective
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a
famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim, to watch and report any
activities that happen when he was away.
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
I watch house.
He come to house
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree - look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree.
Not see.
NO FEE.

[shihab1919]

"Two Stupid Farmers"....
Two stupid farmers had this mule thatwas a very hard worker. The only
problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his
ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go
nuts and kick everything.
One day, the farmers decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent
this
from happening. While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and
asked what they were doing, so they explained the problem.
The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if
they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit. The
farmers thanked their neighbor and he drove off.
Then the one farmer said to the other, "Some stupid neighbor we have,
it's not his feet that's too long, it's his ears!"

[shihab1919]

"More Penis Humor -- 3 Inches Worth"....
A guy goes for his annual check-up, and about a week later his doctor
calls him in to give him the results. "Well," says the doc, "you're in
>pretty good health, however I do have some good news and bad news for
you."
"Give me the GOOD news first." requests the guy.
"You're penis is three inches longer than it was on your last
physical."
"That's GREAT!" exclaims the guy, "but what's the BAD news?"
The doctor replies, "It's malignant!"

[shihab1919]

"Blonde In Vegas"....
A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in
front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a
candy bar fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceded
to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy
bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob
producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he
said, "Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?"
She said, "Duh! I'm winning here!"

[shihab1919]

"Serenity"?....
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I cannot accept.
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people,
I have to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today,
as they may be connected to the ass...
that I might have to KISS tomorrow!

[shihab1919]

"Too Many Miles"....
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems =
selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.=20
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier
to
>sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the
car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He
owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the
counter
in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to
sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About
one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your
car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on
it."

[shihab1919]

"Arthur & Samuel"....
Arthur took his college roommate, Samuel, home for Christmas, and after
dinner, spoke to his father, "Dad, I need to tell you something. Samuel
and I want to get married and we'd like your blessing."
Arthur's father practically exploded, his face turned red, and was
literally speechless for ten minutes. When he finally regained his
composure, he replied, "Arthur, you CANNOT marry Samuel!!! For God's
sake, Arthur,... he's Jewish!"