Hillarious Come in and Njoy this Festival.Best Jokes(PART 2)

[solksjaer15]

Santa Singh was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all ten fingers. He quickly rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there to told him, "Give me the fingers and Ill see what I can do".

Santa said, "But I dont have the fingers!"

"What! You dont have the fingers!?", said the doctor, "You should have brought them to me. We have all kinds of operations we could have done like microsurgery and stuff. We could have put them back as good as new."

Santa said, "But Doc, I couldnt pick them up."

[solksjaer15]

A policeman pulled a Surd over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Surd : No, but wherever it is, it must be bad ’cause all the people were leaving.

[solksjaer15]

AJIT SAYS: Mona Darling tum pauli ke sath shadi mat karna, warna tumara bhi monopauli ho jaya ga.

[solksjaer15]

Reasons to allow drinking in Workplace

1. It is an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you do not care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

[solksjaer15]

Q. How can you confuse a SARDAR ?

A. By asking him to find a corner in a round room.

Q. How can a SARDAR confuse you ?

A. By finding one.

[solksjaer15]

Why A Divorce?

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don’t want a divorce," she replied. "I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!"

[solksjaer15]

New Definitions

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and then leaves.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the 0 adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

OHNO-SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. Like making the selection that reformats your hard drive.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

[solksjaer15]

Two Friends never planned to marry ’coz they heard much about the after marriage controversies between the partners. But due to internal pressure they both married.

After a long time, one day both of them met and asked each other about their life and whether they married or not.

Tensed both of them, first friend told the other" Yaar, kya bataoon, meri to raaton ki neend haram ho gayee. jab bhi bed room mein jaata hoon, meri biwi bolti hai- eh chal gear laga". The other much more tensed replied" Yeh to kuch bhi nahin, main to jab bhi bed room mein jaata hoon, meri biwi kehti hai" jaanu, ek litre petrol bharna."

[solksjaer15]

Dear Lord,

Every single evening

As I’m lying here in bed

This tiny little prayer

Keeps running through my head.

God bless my mom and dad,

And other family.

Keep them warm and safe from harm

For they’re so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing

I wish that you could do.

Hope you don’t mind me asking,

Bless my computer too.

Now I know that it’s not normal

To bless a mother board,

But listen just a second

While I explain to you ’My Lord’.

You see, that little metal box

Holds more than odds & ends

Inside those small compartments

Rest so many of my FRIENDS.

I know so much about them

By the kindness that they give

And this little scrap of metal

Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them

Much the same as you

We share in what life brings us

And from that our friendship grew.

Please, take an extra minute

From your duties up above

To bless those in my address book

That’s filled with so much love!

Wherever else this prayer may reach

To each and every friend,

Bless each email inbox

And the person who hits send.

When you update your heavenly list

On your own CD-Rom

Remember each who’ve said this prayer

Sent up to God.com. Amen.

[solksjaer15]

The Pakistani Air Force recently purchased a fleet of Chinese fighter jets. They invited over a Chinese official and at a gathering, the Chinese guy says to the Pakis, "These planes are so simple, even you fools can use them".

The chief of the air force asks how its all done. The Chinese guy says, "OK. So easy! Press this button to go right. This button to go left, and this button to go up!"

The Paki Air Force Chief then asks, "So, how do you come down?"

The Chinese guy replies, "Oh, leave that to the Indian Air Force!"