Drinking jokes

[indianbaba]

thanks for rocking the jokes forum with lots of jokes.

[stevenson pintar]

I will do what I want too

[COPTICCIN]

thanks for rocking the jokes forum with lots of jokes.

:D :D :D :D

[COPTICCIN]

http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/news/pic/13879/147417

see this pic

[indianbaba]

nice thoughtful cartoon picture.
Keep sharing.

[py4th]

That make me Crazy :lol:

[COPTICCIN]

RIDING BIKES



It was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying to get to know her students.

"What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie.

"Me and my family went to the beach a lot," Suzie answered.

"That sounds like fun," said the teacher. "How about you, Emma? What did you do this summer?"

"Me and my family rode our bikes together."

"That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils until she got to shy Mikey in the corner of the room.

"What did you do this summer, Mikey?"

"Nothing," the boy responded timidly.

"Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked, trying to draw Mikey out.

"Yes."

"Did you go to the beach?"

"No."

"Did you ride bikes?"

"No, never!" the boy burst out. "We can never ride bikes together!"

"Why not?" said the shocked teacher.

"I don't know," explained Mikey, "but dad always said, when then mom and sis start 'cycling together', it's time to get the hell out of town."

[COPTICCIN]

COOPERATION



At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

[COPTICCIN]

EQUAL BUT NOT THE SAME



"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose.You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages.

6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.

7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.

8. If a girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.

9. Boys grow their fingernails long because because they're too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long - not because they look nice - but because they can dig them into a boys arm.

10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.

12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.

13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they've watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie three times in a row.

14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.

[COPTICCIN]

ANATOMY OF A MOTHER



THE HEAD -- Often covered with hair, the head should have all the essential parts:

EARS -- Ears should be well-placed, incredibly attuned to a child's utterings- i.e. "you suck!", even when spoken under the breath and in another room. Yet strong enough to tune out the loudest music of "Hootie and the Blowfish" when preparing dinner.

EYES -- Eyes can be of any color, should be able to see (although there have been many very successful mothers who were blind- they simply used the all-powerful "eyes at the back of the head" tool). Expression should be soft and gentle, yet capable of "shooting bullets" at appropriate times. I, on occasion, use the "I will turn your little butt to salt right here" look in times of extreme stress.

NOSE -- Ah, the nose, able to smell a soiled diaper at 50 yards! I have not found the "bigger is better" theory at work here. I have known mothers with tiny little turned-up noses that look completely ineffectual, actually "scent" the time (10 minutes) when her little offspring smoked his/her first cigarette. A fantastic feat, it was a treat to watch her. She made one small error once- completely understandable- she mistook the Scotch he tried for a single-malt, rather than a blend. I could forgive her this- she was a Gin drinker.

MOUTH -- Not quite so large as Rush Limbaugh's (God forbid), nor so small as Bettie Boop (I do not think she would make an effective mother). It should be able to sing a soft, albeit, out-of-key nursery rhyme, or raise the rafters when "mother" is displeased. My only absolute rule it that it should never, never be used to insult, demean or humiliate the child. Anger is all right, but verbal abuse is forbidden. Also, the mouth is needed for eating -quite often, and in small doses usually, because mothers do not have enough time to actually sit down to eat a full meal at one time- "mom, I need this done now", "mom can you take me here now", "mom where is my....," "mom, come here and look at this!" and the dreaded, "oops...Oh God.....MOM!!!!!"

SHOULDERS -- The actual size is not so important, I know many women who even enhance their size due to fashion styles. It really doesn't matter, as long as they can bear the weight of the world occasionally and then much more often during High School.

BREASTS -- Here is where you all get treated to an honest to God mother-type lecture. So hunker down and just listen. These particular accouterments to the human body are there for one reason, and one reason only - Milk Machines! They were put there to nourish a baby and when the time comes, boy are they handy! Now I realize that there are some women out there that look like they could feed Nicaragua single-handedly and some (as, ahem, myself) that look as if they were drier than the Sahara Desert. But let me assure you that the good Lord provided, just such a large range of sizes to make some men look like idiots in their admiration of something that every other mammal in the world has. If we could get this through our thick skulls, so that many women did not feel inadequate, then my work as 'Semi-Super Woman' would be done.

STOMACH -- This includes the waist, which I have not had since 1971. Seriously, I jump right from bottom of the rib cage to top of the hip-bone, with a huge pinch of extra skin in-between. It is truly amazing to me that I lost it so suddenly and did not even hear it drop. This particular part of the body can change dramatically from woman to woman after having a child. I, myself, developed stretch marks that have had gynecologists spending enormous amounts of time trying to decipher hidden pictures that they are sure that they can see. Sort of like a Rorschach test game. I have had friends who have had 5 babies and have a stomach that you could bounce a dime off, and not only that, there's not a mark on them. (I, as a matter of fact, have lost several coins in the folds of my big belly, but I look at it as a kind of retirement fund).