Kid Jokes........{ Clean & Cute }

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Boys In School

Boys favourite subject...

On her holidays, the geography teacher explained to the history teacher that she went to the Himalayas, visiting remote mountain areas. 'Infact,' she said, 'we went where the hand of man has never set foot.'

'Why is your name the same as principal's ?' a new boy at school asked his teacher.
'Because he's my father !'
'Did you know that when you took the job ?'

'I see you've got that new boy down for the football game against Township High,' said the English teacher to the coach.
'Yes, but I'm not sure what position to play him.'
'Well, if his football's anything like his English, he's a natural drawback's

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Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school.
Mother: That's my son.
Teacher: Oh ! I'm so sorry.
Mother: You're sorry ?

A little boy ran home from school on the first day and pestered his mother into taking him into a toy shop. When they got there he insisted that she buy him a gun.
'But why do you need a gun?' asked his mother.
'Because our teacher told us she was going to teach us to draw tomorrow.'

When George left school he was going to be a printer. All the teachers said he was the right type.

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'We're going to play elephants and circuses,' said a little boy at kindergarten, 'Do you want to join in?'
'I'd love to,'replied the teacher. 'What do you want me to do?'
'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts !'

A little boy came home from his first day at kindergarten and said to his mother, 'What's the use of going to school ? I can't read, I can't write, and the teacher won't let me talk.'

Rich boy to dinner lady: This bread's horrible! Why can't you make your own bread like the servants do at home?
Dinner lady: Because we don't have the kind of dough that your father makes !

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Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains ?
He had to keep track of everything !

'Why don't you like this country ?' the teacher asked a Californian boy who had come to an English school.
'It's the weather,' drawled Bud. 'I'm not used to the rain. At home we have 365 days of sunshine every year - at least.'

'What were you before you came to school, boys and girls ?' asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say 'babies.' She was disappointed when all the children cried out, 'Happy'

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The teacher was furious with her son. 'Just because you've been put in my class, there's no need to think you can take liberties. You're a pig!'
The boy said nothing !
'Well ! Do you know what a pig is ?'
'Yes, mum,' said the boy, 'the offspring of a swine.'

Miss Smith says that I've got such bad handwriting that I ought to be a doctor !

'I'd like you to be very quiet today, boys and girls. I've got a dreadful headache.'
'Excuse me,' said Alec, 'why don't you do what mum does when she has a headache?'
'What's that ?'
'She sends us out to play.'

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'I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock,' said the principal to a new boy.
'No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.'

The principal was very proud of his school's academic record. 'It is very impressive.' said one parent who was considering sending his son there. 'How do you maintain such high standards?'
'Simple,' said the principal. 'The school motto says it all.'
'What's that?' asked the parent.
'If at first you don't succeed, you're expelled.'

Ben's teacher regards Ben as a wonder child. He wonders whether he'll ever learn anything.

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'How old would you say I am, Francis ?' the teacher asked.
'Forty,' said the boy promptly.
'You seem very sure,' said the puzzled teacher. 'What makes you think I'm 40?'
'My big brother's 20,' replied the boy,' and your twice as silly as he is !'

Teacher: why couldn't your brother spell 'Mississippi' when I asked him this afternoon in class ?
Boy: Because he didn't know if you meant the river or the state !

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Was the principal's brother really a missionary?
He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity !

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. 'Alec !' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?'
'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do !'

'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander said to his mother. 'The teachers bully me and the boys in my class don't like me.'
'Why ?'
'Firstly, you're 35 years old. Secondly, you're the principal.'

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'Now remember boys and girls,' said the science teacher. 'You can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year.'
Alec went home for dinner and found they were having a jelly roll for dessert. 'I'm not eating that, Mum,' he said, 'It's five years old!'
I enjoy doing my homework even at weekends, but my best friend's just told me he thinks I'm round the bend !

Teacher: Who was that on the phone, Sammy ?
Sammy: No one important, Miss Smith. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already!

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A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. 'Howdy,' said the hillbilly. ' This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?

'Oh, all the usual subjects,' said the teacher, nodding at the boy. 'Reading, writing, arithmetic.'
'What's this ?' interrupted the father. 'Arith....arith... what did you say?'
'Arithmetic, Sir,' said the teacher, 'instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry.'
'Trigonometry!' cried the delighted hillbilly. 'That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family.'