Kid Jokes........{ Clean & Cute }

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Two aliens from outer space landed in Las Vegas and were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. He came out looking rather shocked.
'What's the matter?' asked his friend.
'It's a very popular place,' replied the first alien. 'It's full of creatures that keep throwing up little metal disks.'

Two monsters were working on building site. When lunchtime came, one of them took out a box of sandwiches. 'Rat paste and tomato,' he moaned, as he bit into the first. 'More rat paste and tomato,' he muttered as he ate the second.
'Rat paste and tomato?' his friend asked as he picked up the third sandwich.
'Yes,' sighed the monster. 'I hate rat paste and tomato.'
'Why don't you ask your wife to make you something different?'
The monster looked at him strangely. 'I don't have a wife - I make my sandwiches myself!'

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What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster?
A failure!

Cannibal Boy: I've brought a friend home for dinner.
Cannibal Mum: Put him in the refrigerator and we'll have him tomorrow!

My friend is so silly that he spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for the doorknob!

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Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework.

Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend ?
They were both driving their cars at the time !

Boy to Friend: My dad is so old, when he was at school, history was called current events!

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Mother to Friend: Johnny's so imaginative! I asked him what the 'F' meant on his report and he said 'Fantastic'

Crossword Fan: I've been trying to think of a word for two weeks!
Friend: How about a fortnight !

The big game hunter was showing his friends his hunting trophies. Drawing their attention to a lion-skin rug on the floor he said, 'I shot this fellow in Africa. Didn't want to kill such a magnificent beast, of course, but it was either him or me.'
'Well,' said a guest, 'he certainly makes a much better rug than you would !'

The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing it off to a friend. 'This clock,' he said, 'will go for 14 days without winding.'
'Really?' replied his friend, 'And how long will it go if you do wind it ?'

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Why do demons and ghouls get on so well ?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend !

What do you get if King Kong sits on your best friend ?
A flat mate !

Where did Dr Jekyll find his best friend ?
In Hyde Park !

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John: I'm going to cross a galaxy with a frog.
Jim: You'd better not. You'll be sorry.
John: Why ?
Jim: Don't you know what you'll get ?
John: No. What ?
Jim: Star warts !

Farley: Come on, Charley, I'll take you to the zoo.
Charley: If the zoo wants me, let them come and get me !
My friend is so stupid he thinks that an autograph is a chart showing sales figures for cars!

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The young teacher was complaining to his friends about how badly he was being paid. ' We get a really poultry amount each month,' he said.
'You mean paltry,' corrected one of his friends!
'No I don't, I mean 'poultry',' replied the teacher. 'What I earn is chicken feed!'

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. 'I've just bought a pig,' said the first.
'But where will you keep it?' asked the second. 'Your gardens much too small for a pig!'
'I'm going to keep it under my bed,' replied his friend.
'But what about the smell?'
'He'll soon get used to that.'

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Scribbled on the boys bike shed wall

Homer wrote The Oddity.
He's still rabbiting on about it !
Tolkien is hobbit-forming
Yorik is a numb-skull
If you cross an elephant with a goldfish would you get swimming trunks ?
Alas, poor Kilroy, I knew him backwards.

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Cowardice rules, if that's alright with the rest of you.

Never hit a man when he's down. He might get up again!

Happiness can't buy money.

Subways are always in a hole.

Pedestrians must walk.

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Why does Christmas always come when the shops are so busy ?
Latin is the language of the dead.
Everybody hates graffitilists. I hate everyone - graffitiists.
Keep the US tidy, post your garbage abroad.
Do unto others before they have a chance to do it unto you.
Don't get angry, get even.
Stop a head cold going to your chest, tie a knot in your neck.
Modern music isn't as bad as it sounds.
I can't remember if I used to be forgetful or not.
The best way to talk to a lion is by long distance telephone. Sorry, lion's busy.