Adult jokes(A)

[indianbaba]

Raw Material
The teacher decided that in science class, she would teach her students about different materials. Standing at the front of the class,
she asked, "Children, if you were able to have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Raising his hand, little Timmy said, "I would choose gold. It's worth lots of money and I could by a Porche."

Next, little Lois raised her hand and said, "I would want platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could by a Corvette."

"Very good, both of you," said the teacher. "Johnny, what would you want?"

Little Johnny stood up and said, "Oh, I would want silicon."

"Why would you want silicon, Johnny?" asked the teacher.

"Heck, my mom has two bags of it and you wouldn't believe all the sports cars outside our house!" he replied.

[indianbaba]

Rule Before Buy
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watchwed as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's leg's, rump and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "because when i'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, i think the UPS guy wants to buy mom."

[indianbaba]

Story With Moral
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty
enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the heck away from Aunt Carol when she's been drinking."

[indianbaba]

Maths
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short,
everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying.

Books and papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great
trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head. "Well, then," she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?"

Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't
fooling around."

[indianbaba]

Band-aid
Little Johnny went to the Doctor to get a vaccination. After the shot, the Doc pulled out a Band-Aid and started to cover the spot on his arm. Johnny asked him to put it on the other arm.

The Doctor said, "I put the Band-Aid over where you got the shot to let others know that it's tender and they shouldn't touch it. Why do you want it on the other arm?"

Johnny answered, "You really don't know much about little boys, do you?"

[indianbaba]

Faithful Couple
Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, 'Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door. They undressed and got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and ....'

The mother held up her hand and said, 'Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me.'

The father came home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him. 'But why?' croaked the husband.

'Go ahead, Johnny. Tell Daddy what you've just told me.'

'Well,' said little Johnny, 'I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob.'

[indianbaba]

Piece Of Paper
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

Little Johnny says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

[indianbaba]

Advise
Little Johnny's kindergarden class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

[indianbaba]

Selling Trick
The kids filed back into class Monday morning.

They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Mary led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."

"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.

They all said the same thing. "Hey, this tastes like dirt!" Then I would say, "It is, wanna buy a toothbrush?"

[indianbaba]

Right & Wrong
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and blurted out, "You'd be his wife!"
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The Definitely One
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence.

Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green."

The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall."

The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors."

From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?"

The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that's silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"