Blonde jokes(A)

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Bowling Teams
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Breaking in the Mercedes
Two dumb blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously,

"Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Comfortable
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, ''When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.''

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ''I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'' The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, ''It's just 99 cents a word.''

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, ''I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.''' The telegraph operator shakes his head. ''How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'" The brunette explains, ''My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow.''

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Cure for Dandruff
A blonde and brunette are walking along and the brunette turns to the blonde and said 'my husband had really bad dandruff, so I gave him head and shoulders.' then the blonde says 'how do you give shoulders?'

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Died and Went to Heaven
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met St. Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said, but St. Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

"Who was God's son?" said St. Peter.

The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"

"That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked St. Peter.

Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Don't Jump
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.

The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'

The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.

So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.

The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Don't Shoot
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.

She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband Shoots out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, 'shut up ... you're next!'

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Final Revenge of the Blondes
Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
-It doesn't show the dirt

Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
-Fisher-Price.

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
-The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

Why are most brunettes flat-chested?
-It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
-It matches their mustache.

Why is the color brunette considered evil?
-When's the last time ya saw a blonde witch?

How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
-Check her for a pulse.

What is the most frustrated animal in the world?
-A brunette rabbit

What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover?
-"What part of 'yes' don't you understand?"

Why did God create brunettes?
-So ugly men wouldn't feel left out.

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
-The invitation.

Where do brunettes get the hair for a transplant?
-From their underarms.

What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
-Gay, married, or a hostage.

How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
-By studying what oil spills did to seaweed.

Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a breast job?
-Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch.

How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
-Startled.

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Hanging On The Line
After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette.

After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others.

Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.

To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them.

After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Hunting for Gators
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'

The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'