+++ jokes , food +++

[soultan-monastery1]

Little Johnny Stands Up

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

[soultan-monastery1]

Little Johnny Answers the Question

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"

Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."

Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think"

Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"

Teacher: "Sure."

Little Johnny: "There are three women at the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"

Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."

Little Johnny; "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

[soultan-monastery1]

Punishment in Heaven

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
''Why?'' he asks.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''

''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

[soultan-monastery1]

Rubbing Her The Right Way

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

[soultan-monastery1]

Dolly Parton's Kids

Q: How can you find Dolly Parton's kids in a crowd?
A: They're the ones with the stretchmarks on their lips.

[soultan-monastery1]

Hide the Duke

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

[soultan-monastery1]

Little Joey

Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing his crotch, and the teacher asked, “Joey what are you doing?” Joey replied, “Teacher, my mommy had me circumsized yesterday and it still hurts.” So the teacher sent Joey to the principal's office to call his mother and ask what he should do.
When Joey came back from the office, the teacher noticed that he had his penis hanging out. Shocked, the teacher asked, “Joey, what are you doing!?” Joey answered, “Mommy told me to stick it out till lunch and then she would be here to pick me up.”

[soultan-monastery1]

Good, Bad, Worse

Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband

Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The techer is a he.

Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: you get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.

[soultan-monastery1]

Taste Test

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth.
"Can you guess what it is?"

"I don't know," said the boy.

"I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning."

The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of ass."

[soultan-monastery1]

Birdy

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A girl came along and pointed to his dingly dangly and asked, "what is that?" He replied, "It's my bird!"
She ran away to play in the sand cheerfully. The man fell asleep. zZzZzZz. Later he woke up in hospital with pain around his groin. He did not know what had gone wrong. He thought back maybe the girl might know, so once he was out of the hospital he asked her.

She replied, "I played with the bird and it spat at me so I cracked its neck, broke its eggs, and burnt its nest."