some jokes

[d.g.]

LoL mann ur killing me!

[dsmm]

A woman approach to an old man sitting by the porch
And says: "I notice you are very joyful man, what is your secret to a long lasting and happy life?"
"I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day" says the old man.
"Drinks 6 packs of beer, eats greasy food, and never exercise!!!"
"It's amazing" says the woman.
"How old are you?"
"The old man applied: "I'm 26 years old…"

[dsmm]

What is the biggest fear of using an electric sheet?
Wet dream.
****************************************** :!:
A blond girl is written a letter to her friend:
"What's up sister?! Listen. I'm written to u 'cause I haven't seen you for a long time and I'm missing you a lot. If you are not getting this letter please inform me so I will send u another one… I'm written slowly 'cause I know that u can't read fast.
I would like to send you some money in this letter, but unfortunately I already closed the envelop…"
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[dsmm]

three more:

At a literature class the teacher asked the students to write a short story that will contain religious, sex and mystery.
One of the students wrote: "oh my god… I'm pregnant... But from Whom?
************************************************ :!:
A blond girl wants to fly to turkey.
She is calling to the airport and asking: "how long the flight takes?"
The clerk said" just a minute…"
"Thank you very much" said the blond girl, and hang up.
************************************************ :!:
Women pass the road on a red light.
Policeman has stopped her.
Mam can I see your license?"
The woman: "I would have show u but my license is on dismissal for 15 year"
Policeman: "can I see insurance and car license?"
Woman: "I would have show u but the car is stolen. The car owner oppose a little bit so I murdered him and put the body in the trunk"
The stunned officer calls for back up.
The chief policeman came and goes to the woman and asked her to show him her car's trunk.
She showed him, he see no body.
He asked to see her license and she showed him.
He asked to see the car insurance and license and she showed them.
The stunned chief asked her: "how can it be? The policeman said you don't have your license nor the car license and insurance and that you have body in your trunk"
"Sure" said the woman. The next thing he is going to said is that I drive in red light."
:D :D :D :D

[santan]

Santa was writing the passive voice of "I made a mistake." He wrote, " I was made by a mistake".

[casacpaz]

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

[DeMage]

nice funny
ISRAEL FTW!
מי פה ישראלי???
:)

[www.dan-mladih]

Two friends:
- What is it: it weighs 500 pounds, it provides heat during the winter but hangs on the tree during the summer?
- ???
- It is a stove.
- A stove that hangs on a tree?
- Why does it matter to you where I keep my stove during the summer.

[www.dan-mladih]

Two Scots, a father and his son, go to America.
- Daddy, when we’ll arrive?
- Shut up and swim.

[xite-line]

haha nice joke XD
and i'm from israel too
MA KORE AHI SHELI
lol really nice joke