Rohanmishra's joke collection(compiled by indianbaba)

[indianbaba]

Priceless!!
Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Get your hands off me, *****! I'm married!'"

Moral of the Story:
Self-induced hangover... $100
Broken furniture... $2,000
Breakfast... $10
Saying the right thing to your wife when you're drunk... PRICELESS

[indianbaba]

AIRPLANES VS WOMEN
Airplanes can kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
Airplanes don't get mad if you 'touch and go.'
Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
Airplanes operate inverted.
Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown before.
Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
Airplanes don't complain if you hose them down.
Airplanes don't mind if you like to look at other airplanes.
Airplanes can get high without throwing up.
Airplanes expect to be tied down.
Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
However, when airplanes go quiet, just like a woman, it's a bad thing.

[indianbaba]

WE NEED MORE GRANDMOTHER'S IN COURT
Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer:
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand ... a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached
her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie; you cheat on your wife, and manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a to-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know
him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said:
"If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your
sorry asses in jail for contempt."

[indianbaba]

You're Not A Kid Anymore When...

1. Your biggest concern about dancing is falling.

2. Your back goes out more than you do.

3. You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.

4. You have a dream about prunes.

5. You tell the barber to comb it over the best he can.

6. Your Chihuahua weighs more than 25 pounds.

7. You read the obituaries daily.

8. Digestion is a consideration when reading a menu.

9. You are alarmed by how young your doctor is.

10. You wear knee high stockings with everything.

11. You find no humor in bladder control jokes.

12. You can't climb a tree... even with a ladder.

13. You play golf with your wife.

14. You don't like to drive after dark.

15. Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

[indianbaba]

LISTEN RAJESHMISHRA. DON'T FILL UP THE FIRST PAGE. UPDATE IN THIS THREAD. I LOST MY PATIENCE WHEN I COMPILED THIS THREAD. THE ONLY FACT THAT U ARE A NEWBIE JOINED ONLY TODAY AND U HAVE POSTED 27 JOKES MADE ME NOT TO BAN U. I ASSUME THAT U DON'T KNOW THE FORUM RULES. DON'T REPEAT THIS AGAIN DUDE.
WELCOME TO THIS FORUM.

[pH]

I dont think that there is a Dolphin at all !!!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing dude