Kid Jokes........{ Clean & Cute }

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How do you make notes of stone ?
Rearrange the letters !

Which Congression wears the biggest hat ?
The one with the largest head.

When is a door not a door ?
When it's ajar.

When is a car not a car ?
When it turns into a garage.

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How do elephants climb trees ?
They sit on an acorn and wait for it to grow.

How do elephants climb down from trees ?
They sit on a leaf and wait till fall.

What does a garden say when it laughs ?
Hoe, hoe, hoe...

Why is a garden like a story ?
Because the both have plots !

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What is it that's given to you, but is used more by other people ?
Your name.

Why did the jelly roll ?
Because it saw the apple turnover.

Why would a sixth sense be a handicap ?
Because it would be a new sense.

What animal keeps the best time ?
A watch dog.

What is found in the middle of both America and Australia ?
The letter 'R'.

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I wandered lonely as a boy...

There once was a kid named Darren
whose room was surprisingly barren.
He had no toys
like all normal boys,
but he did believe in sharing.

A cannibal known as Ned
ate potatoe chips in his bed.
His mother said, 'Sonny,
it's not very funny.
Why don't you eat people instead ?'.

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There once was a writer named Wright
who instructed his son to write right.
He said, 'son' write Wright right.
It's not right to write Wright as 'rite' -
try to write Wright all right !'

There once was a consumer named Phil
who really wanted to kill.
A sly yound vendor
who made him a big spender
and gave him a very large bill.

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There once was a boy from Brazil
who of pumpkin ate more than his fill.
He thought it no matter,
that he grew fatter and fatter,
but he burst - which makes me quite ill.

There once was a guy named Matt
who had an overly large cat.
When it chased a mouse
it shook the whole house,
so Matt got rid of the cat.

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There was an old man of Philly
who was hooked on the movie 'Free Willy.'
He quit his job at the jail,
for a dolphin and whale
and so was the life of wee willy.

There was a young fellow called Jake
who had a poisonous snake.
It bit his head
and now he's dead,
so that was the end of Jake.

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There once was a boy from Montreal
who loved to play basketball.
For a team he tried out,
but if he made it, I doubt
for you see, he was three feet tall.

There was a young man named Wyatt
whose voice was exceedingly quiet,
and then one day if faded away.

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There was a young hunter named Shepherd
who was eaten for lunch by a leopard.
Said the leopard, 'Egad!
you'd be tastier, lad,
if you had been salted and peppered.

A junior school dropout name Ray
once had an unusual day.
Entrusting his fate
to a twenty-pound weight,
while a hurricane blew him away.

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An unlucky fellow named Foster
caught a mermaid while fishing off Gloucester.
To his lasting regret,
when he reached in the net,
she slipped through his hands and he lost her.

There was a young man from Quebec
who wrapped both his legs round his neck !
But then he forgot
how to undo the knot,
and now he's an absolute wreck.