Adult jokes(A)

[indianbaba]

Homework

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.

"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

[indianbaba]

Good Manners
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted

[indianbaba]

Good Cook
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
_____________________________________________
Christian Home
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"

[indianbaba]

Second Facts
Teacher: "Class; How many seconds are in a minute?"

Jane: "60 teacher!"

Teacher: "Very good Jane!!!"

Teacher: "Class; How many seconds are in a year?"

Johnny: "12 teacher!"

Teacher: "Say what Johnny?"

Johnny: "Second of January, second of February, second of March.

[indianbaba]

Numbers
"Little Johnny, do you know your numbers?"

"Yes, teacher, I do! My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answered Little Johnny.

"Good. What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good, Johnny, your father did a good job. Now, what comes after ten?"

"Jack!"

[indianbaba]

Little Jhonny runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, 'What's that Mommy?

'A little embarrassed, she tells him that is her sponge. Jhonny is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys.

Some time later, Jhonny catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Jhonny asks her, 'Where is your sponge mommy? 'Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon.

Jhonny is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says OK and goes back to showering.

Soon, Jhonny comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge.' What do you mean you found my sponge? "The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with it!'

[pH]

Jhonny's finding is great
thanks for sharing dude
post more like this

[Guttu]

2nd joke, the advice joke and the maths joke are reposts

all others are really funny
especially first and last

[r99]

One person from Utter Pradesh (UP) was in Mysore for about four years and his wife in Jaunpur (UP). At the end of four years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this happened when our friend was in Mysore and his wife in Jaunpur.
He said it is common in UP that neighbours take care of the wife (good samaritans) when men are away.
The colleagues asked, "What name will you give to the son?"
To which he replied : "If it's the first neighbour who has taken care, then the name would be PAHLAJ. If it's the second neighbour, then the name would be DWIVEDI, if it is the third neighbour then it would be TRIVEDI, if it is the fourth neighbour then it would be CHATURVEDI and if it's the fifth neighbour PANDEY.
After listening to this, questions followed and what if it is a mixture of neighbours? Then it would be named as MISHRA and what if the wife is shy to tell the name of the neighbour, then it would be SHARMA, and what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour then the name of the child would be GUPTA. If she does not remember the name then? It is YAAD-AV. If it is the result of rape,it is DOSHI. Finally, if she is too enthusiastic about it, then he is JOSHI.

[r99]

Ek bar ek showroom mein salesman ke liye interview ho rahe the. Ek
ladka bhi interview dene ayaa.ladke ko angrezi aati nahin thi, to
usko manager ne reject kar diya. Ladke ne manager se kaha, aapko
sale se matlab hona chahiye angrezi se kya? aap mujhe chance dein,
agar sale badh jaye to salary dena nahi to hata dena. Manager ko
baat janch gayi. Ladke ko Naukari par rakh liya gaya.

Phir kya tha, doosare din se hi sale dugani, teesare din tiguni
aurr daily sale badne lagi. Showroom ke malik ko pata laga, usne
manager se kaha, is naye ladke se mujhe milna hai. Malik showroom
par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek customer ko fishing-rod bech raha
tha. Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne
lagaa.

Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di. customer ne kaha kitne rupaye,ladka
bola Rs.800/-. yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke shoes dekhe aur
bola, itne mehange shoes pahankar fishing karne jayenge? ek sport
shoe bhi kharid lijiye, customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye.Ab
ladke ne kaha talaab kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi
kharido? lijiye to theek rehega,customer ne cap bhi kharid li.
Ab ladke ne kaha, machli pakadne mein bahut intezar karna padega,
kuchch eatables, wafer , biscuits, bhi le jayiye, customer ne woh
bhi kharid liye. Ladka bola machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ?
yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye, customer ne woh bhi
kharid li. ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka.

Malik bahut khush hua. Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha, tum to kamal
ke salesman ho. Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa tha aur
tumane usey itna sara samaan bech diya, very good.

Ladka bola, woh aadmi to"Carefree sanitary pack" kharidane ayaa
tha, maine kaha, char din tu ghar par kya karega, Machli pakad.