Blonde jokes(A)

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Sunbathing Fool
There was this guy and he had a really hot blonde date so he decides to go on his roof and sunbathe naked...he ends up falling asleep, when he wakes up he finds himself burnt ALL over.

He decides to put some after sun cream on to stop the burning and puts it on his cock. Well, his date comes over and there relaxing on the couch when the cream starts to wear off...He gets up and finds out there is no more cream so he decides to find a substitute he looks in the fridge and finds some milk.

He pours it in a glass and puts his cock in it. The blonde walks in on him and says 'So THAT'S how you guys fill those things up!!!!'

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Swimming the English Channel
There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some discussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.

After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. "What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead.

"There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette.

"No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait.

Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde "What took you so long?"

"What do you expect? You guy's cheated, replied the idignant blonde, "You used your hands!"

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - The Blonde Lottery
A blond woman named Shannon found herself in dire trouble. Her business had gone bust and she was in serious financial trouble. She was so desperate that she decided to ask God for help. She began to pray.

"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night came and somebody else won. Shannon again prayed. "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night came and Shannon still had no luck. Once again she prayed. "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened, and Shannon was confronted by the voice of God Himself. "Shannon, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - The Diet
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."

"No, from all that skipping."

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - The Great Blonde Kidnapping
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10, 000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10, 000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Three Blondes
Three blondes are walking through the forest. They come upon some tracks.

The first blonde says "They're deer tracks."

The second blonde says "They're bear tracks."

The third blonde says "They're moose tracks."

Then a train hits them.

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Three Blonde Men
Three blond MEN are stranded on one side of a wide river, and don't know how to get across.

The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.

The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.

Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and he walks across the bridge.

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Three Wishes
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp.

After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for.

So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.

'Every blonde in the world will get two million.'

The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.

'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.'

The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes.

'Now for your third wish.' said the genie.

'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette,

'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - The Young Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?

What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"

[indianbaba]

Blonde Jokes - Two Horses
A blonde gets two horses from the ranch, but she can't tell them apart. She goes to her neighbor for some advice. The neighbor tells her to go cut off part of the tail of one of the horses.

The blonde decides to do that. The next day the other horse had his tail stuck to a barbed-wire fence. The blonde has to cut that one off too. She goes back to her neighbor for some advice. The neighbor tells her to go cut off part of one of the horses' left ear.

She does this, and sure enough, the other horse his left ear caught in the same barbed-wire fence. She has to cut part of that ear off, too. She goes back to her neighbor, and he tells her to go measure their heights, so she can tell the difference between them. She does, and it turns out that the black horse is two inches taller than the white horse.