Hillarious Come in and Njoy this Festival.Best Jokes(PART 2)

[solksjaer15]

The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.

The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.

The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.

The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes.

At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty. The farmer asked the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"

The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I’m cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions."

[solksjaer15]

Once An Indian A Swiss And A French Were Travelling In A Hot Air Baloon.After Sometime French Says We Have Reached France.When Other 2 Ask Him How He Found Out He Replies That My Hand Touched Eiffel Tower.

After Sometime The Swiss Says That Switzerland Is Right Below Us. When The Other Two Ask Them How He Found Out He Says That He Can Smell Un Polluted Cool Air. After Sometime The Indian Stretches His Hand Out Side An Tells That India Has Arrived. When The Other Two Ask Him How He Found Out He Teels That Someone Stole My Watch.

[solksjaer15]

Once Banta Singh goes to dinner with his friends.Just to have some fun one of his friends ask’s Banta, "How many Idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?". For which Banta answers promptly - "8 idlis".

His friends laugh at him and say,nobody can eat 8 idlis when their stomach is empty because when they eat the first idli their stomach would no longer be empty.

Banta enjoys the joke very much and as soon as he comes home calls his wife and asks, "How many idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?". She replies - "5 idlis".

Hearing this answer Banta gets furious and replies, "You fool! Had you said ’8 idlis’ I would have told you a good joke!"

[solksjaer15]

Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. They decide to meet without aides and are closed for about 5 minutes.

Then Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to giveup all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours. "Sab Akai TV - waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge free milega, video khareedein to cellphone free milega... tho ham bhi

Nawazbhai se keh diye: "Aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!"

[solksjaer15]

A very rich maharajah decided to give his daughter and his kingdom to the guy who would bring to him the most precious ping-pong balls.

Indeed, some days later a guy brings a pair of golden balls, while another brought a pair of diamond ones and a third brought a ping-pong ball made of a very rare mineral found only in a remote part of the Amazon jungle.

The maharajah was ready to issue his decision, when suddenly our brave Santa, holding a pair of watermellon-shaped black things, shows up screaming "Hold it, I brought them"...

The maharajah says "But, these are not ping-pong balls".

Santa, startled, says, "Ping Pong? Shit..I heard King Kong"

[solksjaer15]

A girl applied for a job, and was given a form to fill out, She retired to a table in a corner of the room with it.

Most of the blanks she filled out with no great difficulty, but presently she seemed to be having trouble in deciding how to answer one question.

She looked over furtively, chewed the pen, then wrote a word or two and submited the form.

The Boss looked it over -- name, age, address, tele no, then came a space which said: "Sex..." Here she had written "Occasionally."

[solksjaer15]

The bunny and the snake

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.

This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am."

"It’s quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful." replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you’ve helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you’re scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls.

I’d say you must be either a consultant, or possibly someone in senior management."


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[solksjaer15]

A guy went into a public washroom and had to use the only available urinal, which was between two elderly men. He glanced to his left and saw the guy pissing, but there were two streams. "What the hell is that?" he asked.

"War wound. I took a bullet in the penis in North Africa. They were able to save my dick but they had to leave two holes."

Then the guy looked to his right and saw three streams. "What the hell is that?"

"War wound. Germany, bullet in the penis, left three holes."

The two veterans then looked over at the guy in the middle and saw 12 streams! "War wound?" they both asked.

"Naah, my zipper’s stuck."

[solksjaer15]

Coma Recovery

Patient: "Huh? What? Where am I?"

Nurse: "You’re in the hospital. You’ve been in a coma."

Patient: "How long was I in a coma?"

Nurse: "Ten years"

Patient: "Wow... Who’s President?"

Nurse: "Bush"

Patient:

Patient: "How’s the economy?"

Nurse: "Lotta layoffs"

Patient:

Patient: "Who else is in the White House?"

Nurse: "Cheney and Powell"

Patient:

Patient: "Are we by any chance bombing Iraq?"

Nurse: "Yep"

Patient: "HOW long was I..."

Nurse: "Ten years"

[solksjaer15]

Ganguly

Ganguly the fastest

- Shoiab Akhtar admits Ganguly is faster and quicker than him. "I haven’t seen any one get out so fast. Man, I envy his speed. I am quick but he is quickest.", he says. "I think I should now cut my run up short when I bowl to him. Or else, he might be gone when I am half way thru my run up."

- Narain Karthikeyan to get some tips on Speed from Ganguly. His sponsorers have asked him to talk to the Prince of Kolkotta. They are also planning to endorse Ganguly.

- Dinesh Karthick confesses that his skills in getting ready and padded have improved a lot. As soon as Ganguly goes to bat, I know there is very little time in getting ready. "I must have broken world records a few times in this series" , says the Indian dimunitive wicketkeeper.

- Ganguly to donate all his bats to charity. "I don’t require a bat nowadays", said the Indian skipper.