Drinking jokes

[shihab1919]

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the nightwith her
for $500. So they did. Before he left,he told her that he did not have
any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check
and mail it to her, calling the payment as "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the
way to his office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the
whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a
check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) It had never been occupied; 2) That there was plenty of heat;
3) That it was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously
occupied,that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely
toolarge..
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250.00 with the following note:
Dear sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat,
there is plenty if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you
don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the
landlady..

[shihab1919]

EVEN MORE JOKES
Chinese detective
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a
famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim, to watch and report any
activities that happen when he was away.
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
I watch house.
He come to house
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree - look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree.
Not see.
NO FEE.

[shihab1919]

"Two Stupid Farmers"....
Two stupid farmers had this mule thatwas a very hard worker. The only
problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his
ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go
nuts and kick everything.
One day, the farmers decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent
this
from happening. While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and
asked what they were doing, so they explained the problem.
The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if
they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit. The
farmers thanked their neighbor and he drove off.
Then the one farmer said to the other, "Some stupid neighbor we have,
it's not his feet that's too long, it's his ears!"

[shihab1919]

"More Penis Humor -- 3 Inches Worth"....
A guy goes for his annual check-up, and about a week later his doctor
calls him in to give him the results. "Well," says the doc, "you're in
>pretty good health, however I do have some good news and bad news for
you."
"Give me the GOOD news first." requests the guy.
"You're penis is three inches longer than it was on your last
physical."
"That's GREAT!" exclaims the guy, "but what's the BAD news?"
The doctor replies, "It's malignant!"

[shihab1919]

"Blonde In Vegas"....
A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in
front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a
candy bar fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceded
to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy
bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob
producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he
said, "Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?"
She said, "Duh! I'm winning here!"

[shihab1919]

"Serenity"?....
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I cannot accept.
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people,
I have to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today,
as they may be connected to the ass...
that I might have to KISS tomorrow!

[shihab1919]

"Too Many Miles"....
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems =
selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.=20
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier
to
>sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the
car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He
owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the
counter
in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to
sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About
one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your
car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on
it."

[shihab1919]

"Arthur & Samuel"....
Arthur took his college roommate, Samuel, home for Christmas, and after
dinner, spoke to his father, "Dad, I need to tell you something. Samuel
and I want to get married and we'd like your blessing."
Arthur's father practically exploded, his face turned red, and was
literally speechless for ten minutes. When he finally regained his
composure, he replied, "Arthur, you CANNOT marry Samuel!!! For God's
sake, Arthur,... he's Jewish!"

[shihab1919]

The Computer Poem
Every night I lie in bed
This little prayer inside my head
God bless my mom and dad
and bless my children...
And God, there's just one more thing
I wish you would do
if you don't mind me asking....
just bless my puter too?
Now I know, that it's not normal
to bless a small machine
but listen just a second
and I'll try to explain...
You see, this little metal box
holds more than odds and ends.
Inside those small components
rest a hundred loving friends.
Some, it's true, I've never seen
and most I've never met.
We've never shaken hands or
ever truly hugged and yet...
I know for sure they love me
by the kindness that they give.
And this little scrap of metal
is how I get to where they live.
By faith is how I know them
much the same as I know you...
by sharing my life it brings them close,
so if it's okay with you...
just take an extra minute
from your duties up above...
to bless this little hunk of steel
that's filled with so much LOVE.
Enjoy, my friends...

[shihab1919]

"A Wife With Everything"....
A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The
desk
clerk notices the "Just Married" sign still on the car. As soon as the
man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.
He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern
and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the
man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with
the man and mentions his behavior:
"I know it's none of my business,... but I was wondering why you
weren't
having sex with your new wife."
"Oh, I couldn't do that; she has gonorrhea."
"Well, what about anal sex?"
"Couldn't do that; she has diarrhea."
"There is always oral sex."
"Nope, she has pyorhea."
"Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorhea, why did
you marry her?"
"That's easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!"