Drinking jokes

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Definition of Outdoor BBQ


Definition of Outdoor BBQ....it's the only type of cooking a real man do.

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.


The woman goes to the store.
The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
The man places the meat on the grill.
The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."
And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

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What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.

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What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?


QUESTION: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? ANSWER: Pumpkin pi.

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What what can you make from baked beans and onions?


Question: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? Answer: Tear gas

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What is a Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone, with no dressing

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Q: What do you call a kitty cat that ate a lemon? A: A SourPuss!

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knock knock who's there? lettuce lettuce who? lettuce in and we'll tell you

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Eating right


So, this guy walks into his doctor's office. He's got a carrot in one nostril, an asparagus stalk in the other, a zucchini in one ear, a green onion in the other ear and a bananna sticking out of his bottom. He says, "Doc, I'm not feeling too good these days!" The doctor looks up at him from his chair and replies, " 'Looks like you're not eating right!".

[CafeTriste]

What do cats call mice on skateboards?


Meals on Wheels.

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A practical joke involving jello


Here's a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party: A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring. One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow, but believe me, from the looks of people who inserted cold masses of gelatinous glop into a mouth that was expecting sweets, the experience is unexplainably horrifying! Some claimed to be nauseated by the feel of it; others politely swallowed.