-
Laloo was going to somewhere through plane.
Air hostess asks him "Are you a vegetarian??
He replied "nahi hum to parliamentarian hai."
Air hostess again asked "nahi sir, mera matlab hai, Aap shakahari hai ya masahari???"
Laloo boola "na to hum shakahari hun na hum masahari hum to behari hun."
-
A New VIRUS....be aware......Get Rid of the New Virus ...!!
There is a new virus - code name "Work". If you receive "work" from your colleagues , your boss , via e-mail , phone or anywhere else , do not touch "work" under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come into contact with this virus, follow these steps:
#1. Put on your jacket
#2. Round up two good friends
#3. Go straight to the nearest pub
#4. Order three drinks, 14 times.
You will find that "work" has now been completely deleted from your brain. Forward this virus warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends this means that you are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your whole life.
-
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: She’s having triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good: Your wife is not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She’s a lawyer.
Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.
Ugly: You’re in them.
Good: Your son understands fashion.
Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than your wife.
Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.
-
There was a Surd scientist who was studying frogs.
The scientist told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped, and he jumped 4 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 4 feet jumps 4 feet.
The scientist then cut of one leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 3 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 3 feet jumps 3 feet.
The scientist then cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 2 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 2 feet jumps 2 feet.
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 1 foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 1 foot jumps 1 foot.
The scientist cut off the last leg. He told the frog jump, Jump, JUMP!
But the frog did not move. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with no legs goes deaf.
-
Dilbert’s Law of Work
* A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from the kick in the butt!
* Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you cant be promoted.
* When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
* Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous"
* Never delay the ending of a meeting or the begining of a cocktail party!
* Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
* If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out it!
* At work, the authority of a person is inversly proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
-
John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What’s wrong?"
"It’s my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah," John answered. "But not everybody gets theirs pregnant."
-
A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close.
"Oh, no, it’s my husband!"
The man says, "Where’s your back door?"
"We don’t have a back door" says the woman.
The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"
-
once in a mens locker room of a golf course a mobile rang, every body stopped to listen. the man picked up the phone and on line was a lady "Darling i saw a very beautiful drees Its only for Rs 50,000 can i buy it?"
Man: sure darling
Lady: and i saw a very elegant gold set for a lakh...
Man: buy it sweetheart
Lady: and a decorative painting for our room how about that only 75,000?
Man: of course
Lady: thankyou, i love you!
Everyone in locker started staring at the man, after sometime the man Shouted "Does anyone knows the owner of this phone?"
-
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh Bhagwan, please help I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto" Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue........
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the temple..............
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.... I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Ram: "SARDARJI, BUY A DAMN TICKET FIRST !!!
-
Who is Jack Shitt
You must have heard this phrase in the office a zillion times, "You don’t know Jack Shitt" now the answer to "You don’t know Jack ........"
Who is Jack Schitt?
The Lineage Revealed
Many people are a loss for a response when someone says "you don’t know Jack Schitt."
Now, you can handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owners of Knee-Deep Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school drop-out.
After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and, consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now, when someone says you don’t know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.
Posting Permissions
- You may not post new threads
- You may not post replies
- You may not post attachments
- You may not edit your posts
-
Forum Rules
Senior Member
BizHat Geek
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks