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Little Johnnie sees his Daddy's car passing the play-ground and go into the woods.
Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a 'Passionate Embrace'.
Johnnie finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
"I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane layed down on the seat, then Daddy.."
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnnie, this is such an interesting story. Suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnnie to tell his story, so Johnnie starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and...
"...then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army."
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There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.
She responded, "It's my wash cloth."
Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved her pubic hair.
The boy asked, "What happened to your wash cloth?"
The mother responded, "I lost it."
The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth.
A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, "I found your washcloth."
The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?"
The boy answered, "The maid has it! She is washing daddy's face with it."
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A young girl was going on a date.
Her grandmother said, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys."
"He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don't let him do that.
He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don't let him do that.
But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that.
It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.
The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted, "Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family..."
Granny fainted!
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1. How many eyes does a rooster have?
2. How many legs does a rooster have?
3. How many beaks does a rooster have?
4. And finally, how many whiskers does a cat have?
OK now that you've answered all these questions to the best of your ability ask yourself this...
why is it you know so much about cock and nothing about pussy?
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The redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in the barn.
"Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out and get yourself a wife."
So the boy went out and found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married. But a week or so after the wedding, the farmer found his son 'choking the chicken' again.
"You crazy boy!" he yelled, "That Elli-Mae is a fine young gal!"
"I know Paw," the boy replied, "but her arm gets tired sometimes!"
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A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.
One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
"Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"
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A guy moves into an apartment complex.
He's putting his name on his mailbox when he hears a door open in the hall.
He glances towards the door and sees a gorgeous woman dressed only in a bathrobe come out.
He tries not to look at her as she gets her mail, but she engages him in conversation.
As they talk she turns to look down the hall and her robe opens slightly and he notices she is wearing only the robe.
They talk a little more, and she says, "Shhh, I think I hear somebody coming. Could we continue this conversation in my apartment?" He agrees to this.
As they talk in her apartment, she moves and her robe falls to the floor and he gets a good eyeful.
She then says, "Now that you've had a good look, what do you think is the best part of my body?"
He says, "Your ears."
She is downright speechless but finally replies, "My ears? Look at these breasts, look at this butt, look at my pussy. How can you say my ears?"
He replied, "Remember in the hall when you said you heard somebody coming?
That was me!"
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Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned.
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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where do you think you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"
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A guy was walking down the street when a hooker approached him and said, "Say, wanna have a good time?"
"Sure," he answered her, and they were off to the nearest motel.
She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says, "Is this the first pussy you've seen since you crawled out of one?"
The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."
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