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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, Theres Ritu; shes a lawyer, or Thats Ramu, hes a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And theres the teacher ... shes dead."
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Blonde Cowboy
A sheriff in a small town walked out in the street and saw a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots.
So the sheriff arrested him for indecent exposure. As he was locking him up he asked "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy said, "Well it’s like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asked me to go out to her motor home with her....and I did.
"We went inside and she pulled off her top and asked me to pull off my shirt, .... so I did....
"Then she pulled off her skirt and asked me to pull off my pants... so I did...
"Then she pulled off her panties and asked me to pull off my shorts... So I did...
"Then she got on the bed, looked at me kind of funny and said, Now go to town cowboy....
"So here I am!"
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There was once a Gujarati living in USA called Navneen Bhai, who was involved in a car accident.
At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him. "I’m very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash."
"Car crash! My Corola! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? My Seiko Watch! My Seiko!" Sir, please calm down.
That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you.
"He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name.
"Leena, are you here?" "I am here husband, and I will never leave you."
"Pritesh, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kalpesh, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kamlesh, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Well," said Navneen Bhai thoughtfully, "Leena, Pritesh,Kalpesh and Kamlesh are here.....if all of you are here, Who the hell is in the shop?"
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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married."
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Not a Virgin any more
A family is lunching: The 10 year old girl does not eat much.
At the end of one moment, she says: "I have something to announce", Silence and all listen. "I am not virgin any more", and she starts to cry.
Again a long silence... and then....
The father addresses to his wife: "It is all your fault, always equipped and made up like a whore, you believe that you are an example for your daughter? ... It is lamentable".
The woman says to her husband: "And you, you believe that you are an example? To waste your pay with pétasses which come sometimes to accompany you back, you believe that you are an example for your 10 year old daughter?
"And the father to continue: "And her older sister, this good with nothing, with her hairy and doped buddy, always in the train of tripoter and to jump itself in all the recesses of the house, you believe that it is an example?... And that continues like that.......
The grandmother takes her small daughter by the shoulders to comfort her and asks her: "How that arrive? "And the small one to answer by choking its sobs: "the priest chose another girl to make the Virgin in the Crib of Christmas."
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New Book Releases
Indian Cricket Authors
1. How to lose a winning match - Md.Azharuddin.
2. Why not bowling - Nayan Mongia
3. Fielding tips - Anil Kumble
4. Bowling at slog - J.Srinath
5. Not in mood - Ajit Agarkar
6. Batting my style - Venkatesh Prasad
7. Old is gold - Robin Singh
8. Summer holidays - Nikhil Chopra, Khurasia
9. One Night Stands: 280 to 28 in 5 matches � VVS Laxman
10. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow � Harsha Bhogale
11. Wicketkeeping � A Complete Idiots Guide � Deep Dasgupta
12. It wasn�t me � Kapil Dev and Manoj Prabhakar
Foreign Authors
1. Effective use of Limited Vocabulary � Glen McGrath
(insights into Australian Team) - 200 pages of Glossary featuring all the words you�ll ever need.
2. Men of Honour: A Chrono on Hansie Cronje and Azharuddin - Herschelle Gibbs and Ajay Jadeja
3. Momma, I won the game for Australia � Darrel Hair and other Australian Umpires
4. Art of Legal Chucking � Muttiah Muralitharan, Shoaib Akhtar, Bret Lee
5. A Finger on the Seam (No Comments) � Mike Denesse
6. 11 Individuals: How to select a team � Pakistan Cricket Board
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The Attorneys
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
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Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husband’s new cellular phones....
First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota laura(motorola)
che!....
Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga? errection(ERICSSON) chahiye!....
So the third gujju wife stepa up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen(seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...
And then the fourth said.."Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho,
lekin na kiya(nokiya) tho kya fayda??....
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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a wild beast and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified wild beast stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times. The lion feeling like it’d been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it lookes like a corn tortilla and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don’t know the answer, you don’t have to get so upset about it!!"
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Wedding Deal
During a wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m supposed to promise to ’love, honor and obey’ and ’forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, the bride and groom arrived to the part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it was time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The vicar put the $100 in the groom’s hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."
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