Crazy jokes

[sherlyk]

Emotional extremes

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."



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[sherlyk]

Loud, mad, or sad

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

[sherlyk]

Better relationship

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the saBetter relationship

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
me downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

[sherlyk]

Must help the wife

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

[sherlyk]

Angry drivers meet

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.

As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.

They angrily look one at the other.

Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.

The other one politely asks, "When you've finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?"

[sherlyk]

Try to explain women

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.

"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"

GOD says, "So you would like them."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"

"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"

GOD says, "So they would love you!"

[sherlyk]

A man was sleeping on his deathbed. The man woke up to see his wife silently praying beside him.

He said, " Martha, I have something to confess to you."

She said, "No dear, save your energy."

He said, "I must tell you so I may pass on to heaven, I cheated on you."

She said, " I know, I poisoned you."

[sherlyk]

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she excJoey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!" next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!" laims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"

[sherlyk]

TEST YOUR BASIC GENERAL KNOWLEDGE...


1. Jawaharlal Nehru was the _______ of Indira Gandhi's Father. ?

2. Make a grammatically correct sentence by using the verb "IS" immediately after the word "I".

3. I am having two coins of Indian currency in my pocket, the total value of which comes to 75 paisa. But mind you, one of the coins is not a fifty paisa coin. How it is possible?

4. What is taken from you before it is given to you?

5. Even though it belongs to you, usually others use it, What?

[sherlyk]

Four Catholic Women

Four Catholic women were having coffee.

The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'".

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'".

The third Catholic lady says, "My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'".

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"

So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2 " hard-bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh, my God....' ".

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