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Thread: time past jokes

  1. #21
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    One day, Mickey Mouse asks Donald Duck to tell him Ramayana.


    Donald duck is impressed and starts reading verses from Ramayana.


    Mickey Mouse continues to listen. After completing the whole


    Ramayan, Donald Duck lets out a big sigh and asks Mickey Mouse,


    "Mickey Mouse, tell me...who was the father of Lord Ram?"


    Mickey Mouse cannot.


    Angry, Donald duck, again asks, " Mickey Mouse!!! tell me...what


    was the capital of Ram's kingdom!"


    Mickey Mouse cannot answer again.


    Infuriated, Donald Duck kicks Mickey Mouse hard, and MickeyMouse


    goes and collides with a wall. As soon as he collides with the


    wall,he gets up and starts saying verses of Ramayana from start to


    end....


    How did this happen???


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    Think Think....


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    Ok


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    After hitting the wall, Mickey becomes


    Wall-Mickey(Valmiki)...


    .......Bolo Jai Shree Ram!!

  2. #22
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    Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80%
    are glad you have them. -Lou Holtz

    Never explain yourself. Your friends dont need it and your enemies wont
    believe it. -Belgicia Howell

    Forgive your enemies, but never, never forget their names. -John F.
    Kennedy

    You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is
    lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose
    the value of everything. -Philippos

    The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him
    absolutely no good. -Ann Landers

    Being sad with the right people is better than being happy with the
    wrong ones. -Philippos

    Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you
    bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart
    will
    consume you too. -Will Smith

    If your problem has a solution then...why worry about it? If your
    problem doesn't have solution then...why worry about it? -Chinese
    Proverb

    Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you
    can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances,
    give everything and have no regrets. Life's too short to be anything
    but
    happy
    - Unknown

    The ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of
    comfort
    and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and
    controversy. -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Pain never really goes away; you just elevate and get used to it by
    growing stronger. -Philippos

    You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what
    you've got, remember what you had, learn from your mistakes, but never
    regret, people change, things go wrong, but remember life goes on!
    - Unknown

    Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts
    you,
    it probably hurts the person too.
    - Unknown

    Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are people who were hurt more
    than us. -Philippos

    I like to pretend that everything's alright. Because when everybody
    else
    thinks you're fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you're not.
    - Unknown

    "Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God
    and
    angels know of us." -Thomas Paine

    The things that made me stronger are the ones that didn't let me sleep
    at first. -Marisa
    Reply With Quote

  3. #23
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    Top 21 that an Indian follows when he/she returns to india after being abroad for sometime.

    21. Tries to use Credit Card in road side Hotel.

    20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).

    19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

    18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

    17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
    Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".
    Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
    Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
    Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
    Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
    Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".
    Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

    16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

    15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)

    14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

    13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

    12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).

    11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

    10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

    9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

    8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

    7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

    6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

    5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".

    4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

    Few more important stuffs:-

    3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

    2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

    And The Ultimate One:-

    1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

  4. #24
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    After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not
    been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and
    that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to
    walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings,
    he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed
    and asked him to sit down saying;

    My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
    The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

    Manager:- How many days are there in a year?

    Man:- 365 days and some times 366

    Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
    Man:- 24 hours

    Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
    Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

    Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
    Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

    Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
    Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)

    Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?

    Man:- No sir

    Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
    Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

    Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how
    many days do you now have?
    Man:- 18 days.

    Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove
    that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have
    remaining?
    Man:- 4 days



    Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
    Man:- No sir!

    Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
    Man:- No sir!

    Manager:- So how many days are left?
    Man:- 2 days sir!

    Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
    Man:- No sir!



    Manager:- So how many days are left?
    Man:- 1 day sir!

    Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
    Man:- No sir!

    Manager:- So how many days are left?
    Man:- None sir!

    Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
    Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
    I was stealing Company money all these days.

    Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

  5. #25
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    A letter from an Sardar mother to her son.

    My dear Jagjit,

    I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.

    I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

    We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles.

    I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

    This place is re ally nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

    The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

    The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

    Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

    By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

    Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

    Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

    There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

    Love - Mom.

    P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter

  6. #26
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    This is a love letter from a boy to a girl. However the girl's
    father does not like him and want to stop their relationship. So
    the boy wrote the letter to the girl. He knows that the girl's
    father will definitely read this letter.

    "The great love that I have for you
    is gone and I find my dislike for you
    grows everyday. When I see you,
    I do not even like your face;
    the one thing that I want to do is to
    look at other girls. I never wanted to
    marry you. Our last conversation
    was very boring and has not
    made me look forward to seeing you again.
    You only think of yourself.
    If we were married, I know I would find
    life very difficult and I would have no
    pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
    to give, but it is not something that
    I want to give to you. No one is more
    foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
    able to care for me and help me.
    I sincerely want you to understand that
    I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
    if you think this is the end. Do not try
    to answer this. Your letters are full of
    things that do not interest me. You have no
    true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
    I do not care for you. Please do not think that
    I am still your boyfriend."


    So bad!! But before handing over the letter to his sweetheart,
    the guy called the girl to read only the ODD no. lines i.e. 1,3,5,7,......,25.
    So go through it again and you will find its smart and sweeT

  7. #27
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    A Sardarji and a Bengali, both suffering from serious diseases, share the same room in a hospital.

    They are taken violently ill and they cannot even utter a word.

    After a few days of living together, the Bengali gets really bored and wants to start off a conversation with his fellow patient.

    He realises that he has not enough energy left to say a sentence; instead he just attempts to say a word.

    After much effort he turns to the Sardarji, points his finger towards himself and says “Bengali”.

    Sardarji doesn’t want to let the poor Bengali down who has struggled so hard to start a conversation.

    Sardarji musters all his energy and says “Punjabi” gesturing the same way as Bengali did.

    Bengali is happy now and wants to continue the conversation. After much more effort this time he says, again pointing his finger towards himself “Sharath Bose.”

    Sardarji after some effort says “Devindar Singh”.

    Bengali is even happier that they now know each other’s names.

    After some time, Bengali turns towards Sardarji and mustering all his energy says “Cancer” - - again doing the same gesture as before.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Sardarji smiles and with some effort says “Scorpio.”

  8. #28
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    good collection
    thanks for sharing it.

  9. #29
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    Once A Teacher asked Santa To tell the location of Canada In geography class
    Santa:"MAm I donnt know"
    Teacher:"Stand up in the bench"(Punishment"
    Santa:"Mam Am i able to See Canada if i stand in the bench???"

  10. #30
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    thanks for encouragement i h've lot of tamil jokes... do u pople know tamil.
    i'll post them soon or even today

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