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Thread: time past jokes

  1. #1
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    Default time past jokes

    i have been not here posting jokes here and there.
    the forum is full of adult jokes.
    so i have planned to go some days in kid mod way.
    so a diffrent collection of jokes from ffb


    Disclaimer:
    I don't say that all the things I post in this thread are mine.Iam getting them from internet.Will sure put name if I know the writers name.

  2. #2
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    1. SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT ..
    > 2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
    > 3. One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896
    > 4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
    > 5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
    > 6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute
    song
    >in Hindi movie.
    > 7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality
    > + own production company = Kajol
    > 8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.
    > 9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
    > 10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent.
    > 11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
    > 12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
    > 13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
    > 14. 1 person + straigh hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay Dutt
    > 15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
    > 16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred
    > 17. Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace
    > = One Sooraj Barjataya Film.
    > >

  3. #3
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    George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
    After his talk he offers question time.

    One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
    "And what is your question, Bob?"

    "I have 3 questions.
    First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
    Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
    And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

    Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

    When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
    Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

    A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
    "And what is your question, Steve?"

    "I have 5 questions.
    First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
    Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
    Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
    Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!
    And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !

  4. #4
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    LA LOO JOKES

    * What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?
    La loo

    * Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the
    security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and
    moved on...

    * Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las
    Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could
    you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
    The man at the other end replies "One second sir ..." and Laloo
    immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.

    * Laloos family planning policy..
    "Don't have more than two children in one year"

    * At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,
    "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,
    SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
    Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

    * After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a
    picture.To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a
    herd of
    buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for
    the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS
    THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"

    * Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business
    Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embassy was quite impressed with
    Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years
    and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was
    very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me
    three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"

    * A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"
    "Marriage

  5. #5
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    If a girl laughs,
    She is a jolly person.
    If a man laughs,
    He is mannerless.

    If a girl talks,
    She is witty,
    If a man talks,
    He is a chatter-box.

    If a girl loves silence,
    She is serious.
    If a man loves silence,
    He is dull.

    If a girl looks at a man,
    She gives a glare.
    If a man looks at girl,
    He gives a stare.

    If a girl wears unique dress,
    It is a fashion.
    If a man does so,
    He is a joker.

    If a girl group moves 2gether,
    They join a company.
    If a man group moves 2gether,
    It becomes a gang.

  6. #6
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    Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.

    Interviewer: Give me the opposite words.

    Banta Singh: Ok

    Interviewer: Made in India

    Banta Singh: Destroyed in Pakistan

    Interviewer: Keep it Up

    Banta Singh: Put it Down

    Interviewer: MaxiMum

    Banta Singh: Maxi Dad

    Interviewer: Enough! Take your Seat

    Banta Singh: Don't take my seat

    Interviewer: Idiot! Take your Seat

    Banta Singh: Clever! Don't take my Seat

    Interviewer: I say you get out!

    Banta Singh: You didn't say I come in

    Interviewer: I reject you!

    Banta Singh: You Appoint me

    Interviewer: ....!!!!!!!

  7. #7
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    Suddenly one of the employees in an organization took 10 days Leave without any notice. When he returned his PL asked for explanation. The employee said "Sir, my mom died unexpectedly". The PL let it go at that. After 3 months the same pattern repeated, and this time he said his father died. Then the PL got changed. After 3 months the same pattern repeated. And the employee gave the explanation that his mom died. After 3 months same thing again...
    and this time his father died. This happened repeatedly for 2 years. At the end, one PL checked his past records and told him, "I have caught you red handed, How come in the past 2 years, your mom has died 5 times, and your dad has died five times?"
    To which the guy said, "Sir, my mom died and my father rem! arried. Then my father died and my new mom remarried. Then my mom died and the new father remarried. This has been going on and on and on and..."!!!!!!

  8. #8
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    The more we study, the more we know
    The more we know, the more we forget
    The more we forget, the less we know
    The less we know, the less we forget
    The less we forget, the more we know
    Then why study?

  9. #9
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    A man went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.

    Guess why ?

    ...............


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    because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagao"
    .................................................. .................................................. .




    Tihar Jail ordered 999 shirts and 1000 pants for its inmates.

    why this odd combination ?










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    Salman khan is coming ...... aur maar lo hiran

  10. #10
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    *Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

    *The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove
    it.

    *A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't
    have had if you'd stayed single.

    *The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.

    *If it's free, it's advice; If you pay for it, it's counselling.

    *The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.

    *If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

    *My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses...He drinks straight
    out of the bottle.

    *Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

    *Getting caught is the mother of invention.

    *Advertisement: Guitar, for sale, cheap, no strings attached

    *"Buffet". A French word that means "Get up & get it yourself !"

    *My wife is so ugly... A cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.

    *Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."

    *Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."

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