Jokes by smart-go Part II

[smart-go]

In a train compartment, there are three men and a ravishing young girl.
The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the
erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me
$1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl,
all pull a buck out of their wallet.

And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she
says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my
thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar
bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off
their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you
where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turns to the window and
points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the
distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

[indianbaba]

Nice joke.
Post them all in one thread.

[Guttu]

Warning # 2

If you post one joke per thread u'll get a ban
follow the rules
So its clear now repeat this one more time and you are out of the forum

[Guttu]

Soldier

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.

First Soldier: Why did you join the army?

Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How
about you? Why did you join the army?

First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.

[Guttu]

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were
excessively mischievous. They were always getting into
trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief
occurred in their town, their sons were probably
involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had
been successful in disciplining children, so she asked
if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed,
but asked to
see them individually.

So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the
morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in
the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat
the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is
God?"

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no
response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open,
wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even
sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no
attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook
his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS
GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran
directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the
door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he
asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We
are in BIG trouble this time, dude… God is missing —
and they think WE did it!"

[Guttu]

Ankur,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class,
sees them.
(a) Yes
(b) No

2) If a girls laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop
singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... right ?
(a) Yes (b) No

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand
yet?
(a) Yes (b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it
true ?
(a) Yes (b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come
daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving
you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know
the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you.

[Guttu]

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his
classmate.

My Dearest ,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(a)10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me
because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me
because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you
stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before
me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you
hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and
you took only my friend's
because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a)you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose
on
your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00
A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in
expressing it. If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in
your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than
30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not. Eagerly awaiting your
reply..

Love, Ankur

[Guttu]

N ow, here are some classic English sentences from the great Lecturer Edited by indianbaba. Don't use names here

The stalwart talks to his students:

# At the ground:

All of you stand in a straight circle.

There is no wind in the balloon..

The girl with the mirror please comes here...{Means: girl with specs please come here).

# To a boy, angrily:

I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# While punishing students:

You, rotate the ground four times...

You, go and understand the tree...

You three of you stand together separately.

Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)

# Sir at his best:

Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see onee of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them.

So the next day at s school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you

WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"

# Sir at his best inside the Class room:

Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.

Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.

Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor

Shhh.. Principal is rotating in the corridor....

You, meet me behin! d the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)

This one is coo! l >> "Both of u three get out of the class."

Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...

Tak! e Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....

Take 5 cm wire of any length....

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...

Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).


Edited


"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"

Edited

"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police"

[Guttu]

The Burnt Ears

One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages.

He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear."

The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?"

He said "That same stupid guy called again"


The Boss



A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his
boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

[indianbaba]

@Guttu, u do the work which i did after i became a moderator. Good job.