Everyone is baying for Suraj Pancholi’s blood after the tragic suicide of his actor girlfriend Jiah Khan. While the law will take its own course regarding his role in Jiah’s death, we ask experts for their take on where Jiah herself went wrong — based on her suicide note — and how difficult it is in a changing sexual and psychological scenario, as far as relationships are concerned in India.
‘Can’t blame only Suraj’
Pulkit Sharma, psychologist at VIMHANS says that Jiah should have walked out of the relationship when things started going wrong. “Making Suraj the villain is wrong. Jiah always had the choice to get out of the relationship. If someone is treating you badly why would you want to stay with them? Learn from your mistakes and move on.”
Also, from her letters, she comes across as weak and clingy and by that I mean someone who hasn’t got rid of her previous emotional baggage.”
“What one should learn from this episode is that you can’t depend on one person for your emotional stability. You need to look after yourself. One should also have a strong network of friends and family so that they never depend on one person.”
Advice for youngsters
With youngsters getting into relationships a lot earlier these days, clinical psychologist at Yashoda Hospital, Dr K. Prashant, has some tips for young people regarding how to handle relationships.
To boys
Analyse the emotional reactivity of the girl you are with. Does she get overtly angry if you are late and suspects you? A lot can be said about the girl’s psychological make-up from the kind of relationship her parents share. If she comes from a family that has a history of broken and estranged relationships, she will be more dependent on you for stability. “Just because someone is well-educated doesn’t mean that she will take a break-up or cheating gracefully. They are the ones who crash badly as they have a greater sense of pride,” says Dr Prashant.
To Girls
Dr Prashant says: “Many boys challenge girls to prove their loyalty through sex. Girls often fall for it. When you are taking such a step, think whether it will lead to happiness in the future; will you be able to share this with your kids in the future?
On consensual sex, he adds, “When a girl is ready to cross the line in a relationship, a boy must not take advantage of that vulnerability so that she is not shamed in future. Because in such cases, a woman has much more to lose.”
“Dating or sex should be only a part of a relationship and not the whole of it,” he adds.
Jiah surrendered control
Dr Prashant feels that Suraj Pancholi cannot be blamed entirely. “From Jiah Khan’s letter, it was evident that she had surrendered control to him. That is something we do with our life partners and not a boyfriend who is barely 22. In her letter, she mentions about her birthday, Christmas and involvement with the family and how his absence ruined it. It’s as if these circumstances ruined her relationship with Suraj.”
Family support is all important
Dr Shravanti, counsellor at the Roshni Counselling Centre, feels that the actor’s mother was perhaps not always around for her. “Jiah Khan had always been a traumatised child and even her father had disowned her,” she says, adding, “Her mother should have been with her throughout rather than just coming into the scene when Jiah came into the limelight as an actor. If her mother would have been supportive all through her life, Jiah would have been alive today.”
“Parents generally play the role of a coach or a referee. As a coach, parents guide the child and as a referee they pick faults in the child. For a perfect balance, parents should play the role of both the coach and the referee,” she adds.
Tribute from RGV
Filmmaker Ram Gopal Varma, who had launched Jiah Khan in the critically acclaimed Nishabd, has clarified that he has no plans of making a feature film on the B-town actor who recently committed suicide. He, however, has made a two-minute film on Jiah as a special tribute. Titled The Reel and Reality of Jiah, RGV has gifted this special video to the actor’s bereaved family.

Jiah Khan more stills

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