Winning the Lottery Joke
A man runs into his house and says to his wife, “honey- I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!”

His wife replies, “Pack my bags? For the beach or for the mountains?”
The husband says, “I don’t care! Pack your bags and get the hell outta my house!”

President Joke
The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out “The President Sucks.” Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.
“The bad news is that the urine is from the Vice President.”
What could be worse than this?”
“The handwriting’s the first lady’s.” - Health