A big list of jokes (A)

[kiransmiles]

POSSIBLE SLOGANS
>
> LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK:
>
> 1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP
> 2. BEFORE YOU ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER
> 3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY
> 4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT
> 5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER
> 6. YOU CAN'T GO WRONG IF YOU SHIELD YOUR DONG
> 7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT
> 8. IF YOU THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY
> 9. IF YOU SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE
> 10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF YOU WRAP YOUR PETER
> 11. SHE WON'T GET SICK IF YOU WRAP YOUR DICK
> 12. IF YOU GO IN HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT
> 13. WHILE YOU'RE UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS
> 14. WHEN YOU TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, ZIP UP YOUR
> TROUSER MOUSE
> 15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER
> 16. NEVER, NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER
> 17. DON'T BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL
> 18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION
> 19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL
> 20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER
> 21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!
> 22. IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE IT OFF, HAVE IT ON
______________________________________________
You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
> * puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
> * gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
> * sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
> * tries to drown a fish in water.
> * thinks socialism means partying.
> * trips over a cordless phone.
> * takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
> * At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
> "Sagittarius."
> * studies for a blood test and fails.
> * sells the car for gas money.
> * * * * * *
> Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
> Because below 18 was not allowed.
> * * * * * *
> How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
> Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
> * * * * * *
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
> Pull the pin and throw it back.
> * * * * * *
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
> Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
> * * * * * *
> How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
f> Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
> * * * * * *
> What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
> Trying to hold on to a thought.
> * * * * * *
> Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
> So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
> * * * * * *
> Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
> They always forget the recipe.
> * * * * * *
> How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
> He threw it off a cliff.
> * * * * * *
> What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
> A wind tunnel.
> * * * * * *
> What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
> The back of his head.
> * * * * * *
> What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
> Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
> * * * * * *
> What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
> Just-one Singh.
> * * * * * *
> Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
> They think their picture is being taken.
> * * * * * *
> Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
> Toes Go In First.
> * * * * * *
> How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
> It has a stamp on it.
> * * * * * *
> Why can't Sardar dial 911?
> They can not find the eleven on the phone
> * * * * * *
> How do you get Sardar on the roof?
> Tell him the drinks are on the house.
> * * * * * *
> "Oh, look at the dead bird."
> Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
> * * * * * *
> What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
> You always hear about them but you never see them.
> * * * * * *
> Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular
> one?
> You have to hollow out the head.
> * * * * * *
> TO LOOSE WEIGHT...
> The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day
> for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days,
> Sardarji
> called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
> "What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
> "I'm 2400 kms from home."
__________________________________________________ ___
KHALISTAN JOKES
> Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
> Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
> International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.
> National Airline: Itthe Pacific.
> National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a ..........
> National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.
> National song: Bande marte hum.
> Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.
> National dish: AKALI-DAAL.
> Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
> Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL. * * * * * *
> COLOR TV
> Sardarji is buying a TV.
> "Do you have color TVs?"
> "Sure."
> "Give me a green one, please."
> * * * * * *
> CROCODILE BOOTS
> Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of
> crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.
> Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting
> crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the
> reptile, checks its
> legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"
>
> * * * * * *
> LONG FLIGHT
> Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
> "Just a sec," comes an answer
> "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!
> * * * * * *
> TRAIN TO LUDHIANA
> Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
> Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
> Ludhiana?"
> "No," answers the Railway man.
> "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
> * * * * * *
>
>
> Was that overload OR what ???
>
>
>
************************************************** *************************
Subject: a poem??
>Adam and Eve
>
> In the Garden of Eden,
> As everyone knows,
> Lives Adam and Eve,
> Without any clothes.
>
> In this garden,
> Were two little leaves,
> One covered Adam's,
> One covered Eve's.
>
> As the story goes on,
> Never the less to say,
> The wind came along,
> And blew the leaves away.
>
> At the sight,
> Adam did stare,
> There was Eve's treasure,
> All covered with hair.
>
> And wonder came,
> Under Eve's eyes,
> As Adam's thing,
> Started to rise.
>
> They found a spot,
> That suited them best,
> A nice big tree,
> Where they began to rest.
>
> Her legs spread wider,
> And wider apart,
> While thrill after thrill,
> Came into her heart.
>
> The head of Adam's thing,
> Peeked into the hole,
> And filled her with passion,
> Beyond her control.
>
> Backward and forward,
> His thing did slide,
> And Eve's treasure,
> Was all wet inside.
>
> The joy was good,
> She wouldn't let loose,
> Until Adam's thing,
> Was all out of juice.
>
> Then down through the years,
> People did screw,
> And now it is time,
> For me and you.
> So pull down your pants,
>
> And lay in the grass,
> Cause I'm in the mood,
> For a piece of that ASS!
>
************************************************** **************************
Status: RO
X-Status:
:
:
: > > > >> >
: > > > >> > One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to
: > his wife
: > > > >>&
: > > > >> > pinched her on her rear and said, "You know if you
: > firmed this up
: > > > >>we
: > > > >> > could get rid of your girdle."
: > > > >> > While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought
: > herself
: > > > >>better
: > > > >> > & replied with silence.
: > > > >> > The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on
: > the breast
: > > > >>&
: > > > >> > said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid
: > of your
: > > > >>bra."
: > > > >> > This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over &
: > grabbed
: > > > >>him by
: > > > >> > the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You
: > know, if
: > > > >>you
: > > > >> > firmed this up we could get rid of your brother."
: > > > >>
: > > > >>
: > > > >>
: > > > >
: > > > >
: > > > >
: > >
: > >
: >
************************************************** ***************************
Subject: a pregnant woman..]
Status: RO
X-Status:

> >>>A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded
> >>>
> >>>> a bus. Then she noticed a young man smiling at her and she began
> >>feelin
> >>>g
> >>>
> >>>> humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and
he
> >
> >>>
> >>>> seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move
he
> >>burs
> >>>t
> >>>
> >>>> out laughing.She had him arrested for molesting her.
> >>>
> >>>> Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why
He
> >
> >>>
> >>>> acted in such a manner.
> >>>
> >>>> His reply was: When the lady boarded the Bus I couldn't
> >>>
> >>>> help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement
> >>>
> >>>> which read "Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins",
> >>>
> >>>> Then she moved under one that read "Sloan's Ointment to
> >>>
> >>>> remove Swelling".
> >>>
> >>>> I was even more amused when she sat under the shaving
Advertisement
> >
> >>>
> >>>> which read "William's Stick Did the Trick". Then I could not
> control
> >>
> >>>
> >>>> myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an
> >>advertisemen
> >>>t
> >>>
> >>>> which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this
> >>>
> >>>> accident"
> >>>
> >>>> THE CASE WAS DISMISSED
> >>
> >
>
************************************************** **************************
Subject: Sardarji Series
Status: RO
X-Status:
"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"



This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji
replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "


Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes
along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na
marjaun"

Do u know What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!


Do u know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper (he already has
one and he wants one more..) He takes a Xerox of the white paper !!!



Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started
thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what
are you thanking God for ?"

The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't
riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have
been missing too."


Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday .. "
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being
shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I bet on the
highlights too "


An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie
detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the
lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
************************************************** **************************
Subject: oh gals....
Status: RO
X-Status:

>
>There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and
>she told her grandmother about it. So, the gramdmother says sit here and
>let me tell you about those young boys.
>
>He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't
>let him do that.
>
>He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but,
>don't let him do that.
>
>He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like
>that but, don't let him do that.
>
>But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have
>his way with you. You are going to like that but, don't let him do
>that, it will disgrace the family.
>
>With that bit of advise, the granddaughter went on her date and could
>not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
>
>So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like
>she had said. But she said grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family.
>
>When he tried that I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced
>his family.
>
>
>
************************************************** *************************
Subject: FW: Short joke. (fwd)
At the Polish Agricultural University (P.A.U), the Professor was
talking about increasing milk production of the cows, when a girl in the
class asked: "Why do cows always seem depressed when being milked?" The
Professor answered, "Well my girl, if every morning at dawn they woke
you up, rubbed your boobs for two hours and didn't fuck you
afterwards,you'll look depressed too!"
************************************************** ***************************
Subject: You tell me.-
>A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill out his
>schedule.
>The only one available was Wildlife Zoology.
>After one week, the professor gave the class a test. He passed out a
>sheet
>of paper divided into squares.In each square was a carefully drawn
>picture
>of some bird legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs. The test asked each
>student to identify the birds from their legs. The student sat and
>stared
>at
>the test and got more and more angry. Finally he stomped up to the
>front of
>the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the
>worst
>test I have ever taken."
>The teacher looked up and said, "Young man, you have flunked this test.
>What
>is your name?"
>The student pulled up his trousers and showed the professor his legs
>and
>replied, "You tell me!"
************************************************** **************************
Subject: Parrot
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at
home. Shedecided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn't =
be
as
much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.She went
to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.She went =
to
the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50.


Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn't more
expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, =
"Look, I
should
tellyou first that this bird used to live in a house of ill repute.
Sometimes it says pretty off color stuff." The woman thought about
this, but decided she had to have the bird.She said she would buy it =
anyway.
The pet shop
owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage =
up in
her living room and waited for it to saysomething. The bird looked =
around
the room, thenat her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "Oh
well, that's not so bad." A couple of hours later, the woman's two =
teenage
daughters returned
from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, =
"New
house, new madam, new whores." The girls and the woman were a bit
offended at first, but than began to laugh about the situation.

A couple of hours later, the woman's husband came home from work. The
bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new whores, same =
old
customer. Hi George!"
************************************************** *************************
Subject: milkiiiiiiiii



> Ek sardarji ke bachcha nahin hota saat saal se...
> goes to a doctor and asks whatz wrong with me.Doctor says lot of
problem
but
> there's a solution...go to a woman who's 7 months pregnent & suck
milk
> from her breasts then you'll be okay....
> sardarji goes to her wife & tells her.she says apni padosan ke bachcha

> hone wala hai usse try karo...
> sardarji goes to her & tells her the story...she gets very angry &
says
> sardarji main to apko bhai samajhti thi aur aap kya nikle..apko sharam

> aani chaahiye.sardarji poora jor lagadete hain samjhane main..kahata
hai
meri
> zindagi kaa sawal hai main saari umar aapka ehsaan maanooga...
> in the end she agrees but says come tomorrow when my husband goes out.

> sardarji goes to her house & starts sucking her breasts.after some
time
> padosan who didn't have any sex for so long gets hot & says sardarji
aur
> kuch chahiye to woh bhi maang lo..he says no no everyhting is fine...
> after some time she again says sardarji kuch aur chahiye to soch lo
aur
maang
> lo but he nahin nahin sab theek hai....
> Now she's really hot & unable to bear anything so she says sardarji
aaj
> apko doodh peene ke saath jo kuch bhi chahiye woh maang lo..jo ichcha
ho
woh
> bol do...
> Sardarji says " bhen, 2 biscuit mil jaate doodh ke saath to badi
> meharbaani hoti"
>************************************************* ****************************

Subject: Sardaar.....AGAIN !!!
->Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was
carrying the Passport
>size photograph of his son (for college admission).
>
>Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.He
started searching
>for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the
bus.
>
>Politely,he asked the saree clad female,standing in front
of him,"Can you
>lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph"
>
>The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to
be admitted in
>a hospital.
>
>He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to
him,in a still
worse
>condition.
>
>Banta started to explain his "Adventure". He had gone to a
remote village
>on
>some
>work & due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't
finish the work on
>time. He had
>missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any
Hotel.
>
>So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner
whether he can stay
>there for the night.
>The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters.Sorry,I
can't allow you to
>stay".
>
>He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay
there for the
>night.
>The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I
can't allow you to
>stay".
>
>He went towards the next house and without taking any
risks,asked," Do you
>have "grown up" daughters?". The Owner
asked,"WHY?????????"
>Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night..... "
************************************************** *****************************
Subject: Joke of the day

A man returns home from work and enters through the kitchen door. He sees
his wife on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. She only has an apron
on, so the husband gets a big hard on and starts humping his wife doggy
style.
When he is through he pulls out and at the same time hits her real hard
upside her head.
"What was that?" the wife screamed "Here I am being so nice to you, and
letting you really enjoy yourself. What did you hit me for??"
The husband looks at her and angrily says "For not looking back to see who
it was!"
************************************************** *************************

[kiransmiles]

Some Important Abbreviation
ARAB After Rape Apply Balm
AFRICA After Fuck Rest In Cool Air
AMERICA All Men Enjoy Raping In Cool Atmosphere
AMERICA After Marriage Every Rape Is Considered Authorised
ADIDAS All Day I Dream About Sex
BOMBAY Both Of My Balls Are Yours
CUBA Caught Under Bra Area
INDIA Indira's Naked Dance In America
GERMANY Girls Even Rape Men At New York
PUNE Please Use Nirodh Everyday
JAPAN Jumping And Pumping All Night
PARIS Please Allow Rape In School
RUSSIA Rape Until She Screams In Agony
PUMA Press Until Milk Arrive
ROME Rape On Morning & Evening
HOLLAND Hope Our Love Lives And Never Dies
USA Under Skirt Activities or Un Satisfied Aunty
BITCH Beautiful Indian Teenagers Causing Heartbreaks
PIG Pretty Indian Girls PIA Pain In Ass
WIFE Wonderful Instrument For Fuck & Entertainment
FEMALES For Entertaining Males

[kiransmiles]

Listen Carefully

> Be careful when educating your daughter!!!.
> See what happened to a girl.
>
> Mother : When a stranger touches your upper part, tell him " don't ".
> If he touches your bottom part, tell him to "Stop".
> Next day, the daughter was molested and the mother was very furious,
> she asked the daughter why she did not tell the person to stop.
> Her daughter answered: "That man starts touching me Up & down and so I
> said " Don't Stop".
>
************************************************** **************************
some QA
>
> > Q:- What is the similarity between Girls and Aeroplane?
> > A:- Both have Cockpits.
> >
> > Q:- What is similarity between Tea and Girl ?
> > A:- Both are hot, Both have milk.
> >
> > Q:- What is the difference between Ship and Girl?
> > A:- The Ship cuts through water and the Girl waters through cut.
> >
> > Q:- Why did Gandhi wear dhoti without Underwear ?
> > A:- Freedom (of) movement.
> >
> > Q:- What did Egyptian Boy say to Roman Girl ?
> > A:- Come behind the Pyramid and I will make you a mummy.
> >
> > Q:- what is the diff b/w gun & girl
> > A:- gun is loaded before firing girl is loaded after firing
> >
> > Q:- what is the diff b/w girl in a church & girl in a bathroom
> > A:- girl in church has her soul full of hope girl in bathroom has her
> > hole full of soap
> >
> > Q:- What is the similarity between Cassette & Girl
> > A:- You can use them on either side.
> >
> > Q:- b/w Gandhi'G and bra
> > A:- both worked for upliftment of downtrodurs
> >
> >
************************************************** **************************
At the Movies --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One night, my date and I went to see a show at the local theater.
Apparently, due to being a late show, during the middle of the week, there
weren't many people in the room. We sat in the back, as usual, to get the
view of the picture and of the others that were watching it too.
Well, the movie that we were watching was a romantic thriller that was
going around (perhaps you heard of "9-1/2 weeks"?). The movie was starting
to get interesting, when as the actors started to get into one of the
make-out scenes, my date had placed her hand on my lap and started to rub
my throbbing member. I didn't expect this from this girl, since this was
our first date out, and guess that she was showing some interest, in both
the movie and myself.

I decided to take appropriate action; my hand moved onto her leg, and
started to trace it's way up under her skirt. I could feel her move, to
allow my hand better access to her privates. I stopped for a second; It
just came to me that she wasn't wearing any panties at all, and that my

fingers were touching her moist,dripping vulva. As I probed her canal with
one of my fingers, i could hear my zipper being undone and feel my
throbbing member being taken out of its restraints. after a few moments,
we were both masterbating each other, while the actors got into it on the
screen. We looked at each other, and must of thought the same thing....no
one was looking and the theater wasn't really packed...

She got up and sat down on my lap. I could feel her hands guiding my
pulsing rod inside of her dripping mound. As it was going in, she let out
a low moan, realizing that she dare not draw any attention to us. Finally,
she was sitting completely on my lap, with my rod completely buried inside
her. we started to rotate our hips, grinding ourselves together as the
movie was going on. Everytime that the something exotic was happening on
the screen, we'd both be turned on by it and change our rhythms to match
the feelings.

After a few moments, we both built ourselves up -- maybe due to the
excitement of being caught in the theater, or just doing it in a
non-private place. Our bodies trembled, as we both started to drench each
other with our respective juices. when the trembling stopped, i reached in
my pocket for a hanky, and we disengaged ourselves.

I cleaned myself up, as she reached into her purse for some napkins for
herself. We both continued to watch the movie, finding that it was
interesting that no one caught us in the act. After the movie was over, we
left the theater. This would be a night that we'd both remember.....

************************************************** *************************
Story. Carful

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone
handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around,
scanned the class looking for the guilty face.
Finding none, she quickly erased it,and began her class.The next day she
went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again
on the black board.

Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she
proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the
same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous
day's word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word
on the board, but instead, found the words,

"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

__________________________________________________ __