JOKE TIME BUDDIES (PART 3)

[ftvfatboy]

Christmas tree better

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman"

A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.

A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.

A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.

A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

[ftvfatboy]

Tell about a haircut

The story of someone getting a haircut.

Women's version:

Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men's version:

Man2: Haircut?

Man1: Yeah.

[ftvfatboy]

Short gender jokes

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage & after.

[ftvfatboy]

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women
can deliver a baby in
One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks a single woman
cannot deliver a baby in
nine months.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman
can deliver nine babies
in one month.

4) Client is one who knows that it takes a man, a
woman & nine months to
deliver a baby, But expects otherwise.

5) Marketing manager is a person who thinks I can
deliver a child whether a
man and woman is available or not.

6) Resource optimisation team thinks I don't want man
or woman, I'll still
produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation team will think I don't care how a
child is delivered, I'll
just document 9 months.

8) QA Auditor is the only person who is never happy
with the PROCESS to
produce baby.

[ftvfatboy]

Installing Husband

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower
and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and No 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running NAGGING
5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I
do?

Desperate


***************************

[REPLY]

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME