Reasons for Amitabh's illness

[ftvfatboy]

1) excessive intake of chavanprash
2) pepsi zyada ho gayi
3) hajmola kam pad gaya hoga
4) teeka bhi nahi lagwaya hoga
5) bhool se asian paints kha liya hoga
6) pappu ki choclate expire ho gayi hogi.
7) Eveready cell chabaa liya hoga.
8) Emami Boro Plus ko paste samjh liya hoga.
9) Reid & Taylor ki pant jyada tight ho gayi hogi.
10) LAL BAADSHAH film dekh li hogi.

[ftvfatboy]

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.


SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.


SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.


SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.


SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.


SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.


SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.


SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.


SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.


SYMPTOM: Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.


SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy looking.


SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.


SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.


SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.


SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.


SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.


SYMPTOM: Cold and unable to unlock door to hotel room.
FAULT: Woke up in hotel room, got up to go to bathroom and chose wrong door.
ACTION: Knock loudly on door to wake sleeping wife. If this fails, find hotel worker to unlock door for you.

[ftvfatboy]

Draupadi goes to a chemist and says....
105 condoms dena...
Chemist asks why????



Draupadi replied.....
*#??''%&##! ka compromise ho gaya hai...

================================================== ================================

Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an

Orange?


think......
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socho socho
...........
...........
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...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
the answer is ..........
They Both Are Not a Banana !!

================================================== ================================

-
one day a man calls his
wife from his IDEA mobile his call gets cross
connected to some! other lady.They still keep on talking..they start
liking each other..and finally they get married.
what MORAL do u get???
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
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.
..
An IDEA can change your wife.
================================================== ===============================

Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo

Student: JAI MATA DI
__________________________________________________ _______
57

Dil chear kar deakho dard nhi milay ga milay ga bhe kaise dard to dant mai hai....

56

One out of four people is a chinese in this world. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you

55

yadd hay hum kahan milay thay..?

yad hay hum kahan milay thay..?

yeh 10 tak ginoo phir batio ga promisee

1
2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9


10

q time zaya ker rahay hoo hum milay he nahin thay..

54

A pathan want 2 commit suicide,
When asked : Pathan said,my wife ran wid my Best Friend & i can't live widout my friend

53

If u want to buy latest mercedes benz on easy installments with out any down payment so log on to our website www.abey apni aukat main reh .com
(Hows that)

52

Aik ghar main choori ho gaai.... Police nay ghar k bahar kharay hooay

Aik aadmi say poocha "Kia tum nay choor ko dekha hay?????"



Aadmi nay jawab diya..."Yahan say seedhay jaao, 3 galyaan aain gi,



1st main nahi jaana 2nd main bhi nahi jaana, 3rd main chalay jaana.



wahan 3 ghar hoongay,

1st main nahi jaana, 2nd main nahi jaana 3rd main chalay jaana.



us ghar k 3 darwazay hoongay,

1st say nahi jaana, 2nd say nahi jaana, 3rd say clahay jaana.



wahan 3 windows hoongi,

1st ko choor dayna, 2nd ko choor dayna, 3rd ko kholna...

thandi thandi hawa aay gi.....



Saamnay hi 3 kamray nazar aain gay,

1st ko choor dayna, 2nd ko choor dayna, 3rd main chalay jaana.



Wahan 3 almariyan hoongi,

1st ko nahi kholna, 2nd ko nahi kholna, 3rd ko kholna.



Us main 3 darazain hoongi,

1st ko nahi, 2nd ko nahi 3rd ko kholna.



Us main 3 albums hoongi,

1st ko nahi dekhna, 2nd ko nahi dekhna, 3rd ko dekhna.



us main 3 pics hoongi,

1st ko choor dayna, 2nd ko choor dayna 3rd ko dekhna



wo pic mere maa ki hay...



MUJHAY US KI QASAM MAIN NAY CHOOR KO NAHI DEKHA.........!!!!!!!"

51

kia apke sar pe seenhg hain
no
just check it '
checked'
yes;
nahi hain;
nahi'
r u sure;
yes;

koi baat nahi gadhe ke bhi nahi hote

50


REPEAT THESE LINES ATLEAST 2 HOURS EVERYDAY AFTER NAMAZ OUTSIDE THE MOSQUE & U WILL B A MILLIONAIRE WITHIN FEW MONTHS



-








"Allah k naam pay day day baba"


49

Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called?
Student: They r called Germs

48

Tum haste raho..
Haste raho..
Haste raho..
Mukurate raho..
Sada khilkhilate raho..
Khush raho..
Mera kiya hai..
Log tumhain hi Pagal kahenge..
Hahahahaha.......


47

Jab kutte ki maut aati hai..............
Jab kutte ki maut aati hai..............
Jab kutte ki maut aati hai..............
tab..... tab..... tab.....
Kutta mar jaata hai.

46

Sardar1:- Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2:- Birla cement
Sardar1:- Kyun?
Sardar2:- Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain

45

WANT TO HEAR A DIRTY JOKE ,

2 PIGS JUMPED IN MUD.

WANT TO HEAR A CLEAN JOKE,

THEY TOOK A BATH

44

hum2no mein se decent kon?..

intelligent kon?........

sweet kon...?

cute kon....?

?
?
?

aap tu ho nahi saktey tu bacha kon? haha

43

Why do U think I SMS u ? Is it because I care ? Or I miss u ? Or I love u ? Or I need You ? No ! It's b'coz... Timepass ke liye koi BAKRA chaiye !

42

shayri told 2 a sardar..
khuda k ghar se kuch gadhe farar huye
khuda k ghar se kuch gadhe farar huye
kuch mere yaar baaki sardar huye ..

41

raftaa raftaa har police vaale ko shaayar kar diyaa
mahafil-e-sher-o-suKhan mein bhej kar sarakaar ne
ek qaidii subah ko phaansii lagaa kar mar gayaa
raat bhar Gazalen sunaaye us ko thaanedaar ne

40

nikla jo mera janaza unki gali se
wo khidki pe aaye muskuraye aur chal diye.
mere dost bhi sab bedard nikle
saale meri arthi chod ussi ko pataane chal diye

39

1947 girl says :
jiya beqarar hai aaye
aaye bahar hai aaje
more sajna tera intezar hai

2005 girl says :
Jiya beqarar hai
aaye bahar hai
aaja more sajna
warna dusra tayyar hai

38

arz hai ... thoda medical sher hai..

doctor ne kaha pati se
rupaye 50000 de do patni thik ho jaayegi..
pati bola chal hat
50000 me to nayi aa jaayegi

37

1 barsaat ki raat
ek bheegi ladki
bhiga badan
bhigi zulfein
bhige honth
hum dono ki nazarein mili
usey dekha ..aisa laga...
ki kal usko...100% zukaam hoga!!


36

arz kiya hai ..

samundar main water.. wah wah
samundar main water ..
water me fish .. wah wah
aap ko namaste ,
aapki girl frd ko kiss !!


35

Kitne Haseen Hai Aap baby,
Khud Ko Duniya Ki Nazar Se Bachaya Karo,
Aankho Mein Kajal Lagana Hi Kaafi Nahin
Gale Mein Nimbu Mirchi Bhi Latkaya Karo

34

Kuch log thodi der karte hain....
Kuch log ruk ruk ke karte hain,
aur kuch saari raat karte rahate hain,


tab jaakar hota hai....


unka...


Mobile Charge...!


33

Pandit shaadi bhi karvate hain aur sharaad bhi,
Ladkiyaan aabaad bhi karti hain aur barbaad bhi!

Phir bhi fark dekha gaya hai pandit aur ladkiyon mein,
Ek apna zyaada time mandir mein gujaarta hai aur doosri beauty parlour mein!!

32

Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
Tumhari saheli ko dekha to doosra khyal aaya!!

31

Close ur eyes & imagine:Chand ka bed,Taron ki razai aur phoolon ka takiya!!!Nice na??Now come back to earth & sleep on ur KHATIA...Good Night....

30

Woh hasti thi, hasati thi..
woh roti thi , rulati thi....
jab padosi ke saath bhag gayi to pata chala...
ki wo mujhe BEWKOOF banati thi!


29

Bolaa dukaan-daar,k kya chahiye tumhe
Jo bhi kaho ge meri dukaan per wo paaoge
maine kaha ke kutte k khaane ka cake hai
bola yahin pe khaaoge ya leke jaaoge

28

Life is difficult,Full of trials,Pain & Sorrow.But if U fall down,Just stand up straight Be confident & ask...abbe dhakka kisne maara be

27

Jaha dosti,vaha pyar..
jaha pyar,waha ishq..
jaha ishq,waha mohabbat..
jaha mohabbat,waha judaai
..jaha judaai,waha dard..
jaha dard waha MOOV lagao!

26

Dil Mein Rahkar aankhon mein phira kartay ho
Aisay kyon mujhe Pareshan kartay ho
Ek Hi Kamra to diya tha Bhaday Par
Doosray kyon Istaymal kartay ho

25

Kaise kahnoon mujhko tumse pyar hai
Kaise kahoon mujhko tumse Pyar hai
Salaa dekhta hoon Jab bhi tumhe
Aati Mujhe Bukhar Hai

24

Boy teasing a girl passing by says
Mohabbat mein yeh kaisa muqaam aaraha hai
Mohabbat mein yeh Kaisa muqaam aaraha hai

girl replys back
peeche mudke to dekh
meray bachon ke saat unka baap aaraha hai

23.

jahaan gaaye thay Khushiyon ke taranay
muqaddar Dekhiye....Roye vahin par
huay Masjid se gum jootey hamaare
jahaan se paaye thay, Khoye vahin par

22.

Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
Jidhar dekho udhar khuda hai,
Idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai,
Jidhar nahi khuda hai....udhar kal khudega!

21.

Last night I dreamt that I was walking with GOD & I told him that I have a friend Like U ...he smiled & said,Beta! Yeh sab Pichle Janam Ke paap hain.

20.

Mene poochha chand se...
Kabhi dekha hai mere yaar sa haseen?
Chand ne kaha: Chandni ki kasam...
2,200,599,999 entries found!


19

Har Taraf Khamoshi ka saya hai,
Jindagi main dost aap jaisa maine paya hai,
Hum Yaadon main zumate hai aapaki,
aur jamana kahata hai ki phir pike aaya hai...........



18

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai ....
Ke kyon kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai??

17.

Another MOON ?..Possible,
Another SUN ?..Possible,
Another Friend Like U ?..
Impossible
'coz GOD can't make same MISTAKE twice...
16.

When words fails, Eyes works.
When eyes fails, heart works.
When heart fails...
To kya? Samajh le Tapak gaya!

15

Tu chandramukhi main surajmukhi,
tu mujhse dukhi main tujhse dukhi.
Chatt se chhalang laga de,
phir tu bhi sukhi, main bhi sukhi.

14.
TERI ZEEL SI ANKHO ME.....
YEH DIL DUB JANA CHAHTA HAI...
PAR FIR YEH KHAYAL AATA HAI....
KI SALA APUN KO SWIMING KAHA AATA HAI..

13.

"Dil" mangoge to de dungi,
"Jaan" mango to de dungi,
"Dhadkan" mangoge to de dungi,
"Jigar" mangoge to bhi de dungi,
kyunki chaaron filmon ke C.D.-s mere paas padaa hain

12.

Tere intzaar mein is kadar waqt bita rahein hain
Tere intzaar mein is kadar waqt bita rahein hain
kabhi Piza to kabhi Ice-cream kha rahein hain


11.

Kaash tum vaade apne nibha jaate
kissi surat dil mera behla jaate
agar 10 rupees nahi the tumahri jeb mein
to 5 rupees waala chota coke hii pila jaate

10.

Maana humne hii cheda tha aapko
magar dekhkar hume aap muskuraye kyon the???
agar aapke shehar mein koi Hospital nahi tha
to haddiya toodne vaale Gunde bulvaaye kyon the???

9
koi gam nahi,phir bhi mann udas hai,
koi rasta nahi,phir bhi ek aas hai,
kehne ko hai bahut apne,par tu hi 1 khaas hai,
Zyada senti mat ho,ye sab bakwas hai! Wah wah!

8

Arz kiya hai..
MAin bhi aap k liye TAJ MAHAL banaaunga,
MAin bhi aap k liye TAJ MAHAL banaaunga..
1 cup subha,ek cup shaam ko pilaaunga!

7.
Woh Aayi Main Aaya
Woh Baith Gayi Main Bhi Baitha Gaya
Par Woh Hasi Toh Main Bhag Gaya

6

Ashiqee k liye pair main ACTION ka boot chahiye,
badan par DIGJAM ka SUIT chahiye,
bas itna hi kaafi nahi dost,
dil k saath haddiya bhi majbut chahiye.


5.

Tumse milne se pehle mai shayar nahi thi
Tere milne ke baad sher likhni shuru kar di
Magar jab teri shayari parhi
To oh my God khud shayari likhni chor di!!


4.

Kash mere dard ki tujhe aise saja mile,
Kash mere dard ki tujhe aesi saja mile,
Tuje aayi ho bade jor se SUSU,
Aur kahi karne ki jaga na mile

3.

Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se sharmana...
Ye line samajh me aaye to mujhe zaroor batana

2

Har samundar me sahil nahi hota,
her zahaz me misal nahi hote,
agar dhirubhai ka sapna nahi hota to,
her lukkhe ke paas mobile nahi hota.


1.
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain......
Bilkul jaise kal chamak rahe the


2.
Tum aa gaye ho ; Noor aa gaya hai
Chalo teeno picture chalen.....


3.

Itni raat gaye Kyon apni qabar khod raha hai Galib
Itni raat gaye kyon apni qabar khod raha hai Galib
La, phawda muzhe de de !!

4.

Aur bhi cheezain bahut see lut chuki hain dil ke saath
Ye bataya dooston ne ishq furmane ke baad;
Is liye kamre ki ek ek cheez "check" karta hoon main
"Ek tere aane se pehle, ek tere jaane ke baad"(wah-wah)

5.

Tumsa koi dusara jameen par hua
to rab se sikayat hogi....
Ek to jhela nahi jata
dusra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!

6.

Yeh jo haseeno ke baal hote hai,
ladko ko fasaane ke jaal hote hai,
na jaane kitno ke khoon piye honge inhone,
tabhi to inke honth laal hote hai

7.

On a lighter note, A comparison between the world's two largest democracies... India and the US of A.
In USA you can KISS in public but can't PISS!
In India you can PISS in public but can't KISS!

[ftvfatboy]

Project Manager & Canteen Boy



A Project Manager working in a MNC, as usual after lunch goes in
cafeteria for coffee.
He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.
so he decides to have fun with him. He calls him.
Project Manager : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles...
Project Manager - what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quite...
Project Manager - Jab mai mumbai aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi
tha....Aaj mere paas naam hai, shohrat hai, paisa hai, investments
hai,securities hai....tumhare paas kya hai?

Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas kaam hai....

Project Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......

[ftvfatboy]

Brahma
Systems Installation

Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support

Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management

Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh
Quality Assuarance & Documentation

Narada
Data transfer

Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records

Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses

Devas
Mainframe Programmers

Surya
Solaris Administrator

Rakshasas
In house Hackers

Ravan
Internet Explorer WWWF

Kumbhakarnan
Zombie Process

Lakshman
Support Software and Backup Hanuman Linux/s390

Vaali
MS Windows

Sugreeva
DOS

Jatayu
Firewall

Dronacharya
System Programmer

Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects

Shakuni
Annual appraisal & Promotion

Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

Dharmaraj Yudhishthira
ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)

Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer

Draupadi
Motivation & Team building

Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB

Karna
Contract programmer

Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++

Gandhari
Dreamweaver

100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches