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A lonely spinster, age 70, decided it was time to get married.
She put an ad in the paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED
MUST BE MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
MUST NOT BEAT ME
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON
On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
She opened the door and, much to her dismay, saw a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
The woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you ..... you have no legs."
The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any arms or hands, either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "But are you still good in bed?"
With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said,
"I rang your doorbell, didn't !?"
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One day Lord Shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol.
So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Delhi and asked the bartender: "What all do u have".
Bartender: "We have whisky, rum, vodka, gin, beer etc.".
Lord Shiva: "Let's try whisky first, give me 5 bottles of whisky".
After having 5 bottles of whisky, Lord Shiva decided to try Rum.
Bartender was shocked:"Who is this man, after having 5 bottles of whisky, he is still on his feet".
After having 5 bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer. After having 40 bottles of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin.
Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him: "Sir, who are you?? I’ve seen people getting drunk after having 4 glasses of whisky, and you've almost had 50 bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you"???
Lord Shiva: "VATS, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain". (“Dear, I am Lord Shiva”)
Bartender: AB CHADHI ISKO!!! (“NOW ONLY THIS GUY GOT DRUNK!!!”)
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First two are gr8
last one is a repost
but it was a diff kind
means there was some other person instead of lord shiva
keep updatin dude
Its a gud relief to
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Except the last one all others are repost, i think.
Keep sharing neeraj.
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thanks neeraj for sharing the good jokes and bringing up this thread always..
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A Sad Story
Three friends were working in a same office & lived in a same flat which
is in the 110th floor in New York City.
One day while they were
returning from their office the lift was not working.So they decided to
climb by foot to their 110th floor.
To pass the time & not get bored they agreed to tell some story, that 1st
person should tell a story above a war, 2nd person a romance & 3rd person
a very very sad story.
First person told about US & Vietnam war they reached 50th floor, Second
person completed his romance story when they reached 109th floor.Now it's
turn for the third person to tell a very very sad story.
SCROLL DOWN....
He told "I have forgotten to bring the Flat Key".
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That was a nice joke.
But i have read that before.
Keep sharing.
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Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table.
The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat.
"I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says.
The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants.
"Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says.
She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast.
"I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
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A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken."
The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?"
The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."
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Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money.
They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
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