Yo Momma (Joke AREA)

[Bizarreenterprises]

Please post "YO MOMMA" Jokes here.
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MAKE YOUR OWN JOKE
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I Will Start.

YO MOMMA is so dumb, when she went to the grocery store she starved to death.

[Bizarreenterprises]

Yo MOMMA so fat, when she fell on love she broke it.

[Bizarreenterprises]

Yo Momma so fat when she takes a photo it comes out as a poster.

[TheMaxx]

Ahh, I remember second grade... Good times.

Yo momma is so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.

Yo momma is so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo momma is so nasty, she brings crabs to the beach.

[luetkemd]

Yo Mama So Ugly
she put the Boogie man outta business.

she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt

when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."

when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'

she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!

minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."

they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.

when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!

yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...

she put Marilyn Manson out of business.

she was a guard at Snake Mountain

they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...

even Harry Knowles refused to date her.

they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!

she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.

Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.

you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.

she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.

we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.

I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.

her shadow gave up.

people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...

her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.

when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.

hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.

instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.

they gave her a middle name...'accident'.

she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.

when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!

even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...

when she was born the Doc smacked her face.

You Momma so Ugly that she's got her very own Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags named after her...



Anything Yo's - So Ugly...
Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.

Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs shit themselves.

Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics

Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.

Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.

Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.

Yo Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.

Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!

Your Kid sister so damn ugly that when she sits on a sand dune at the beach, the cats try to bury her.

You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

Yo Driving Instructor's so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask when teaching.


Yo Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.

Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!

Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!

Yo' Father in law so ugly that his American Express card left home without him...

Yo Sister's so ugly that she must been conceived on the Motorway - ain't that where most accidents happen?

Yo Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second...

Your sister-in-law so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.

Yo Father's so ugly his hairline ain't receding...it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.

You Grandma's so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.

Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.

Yo' Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he'd rather live as a frog.

Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.

Yo Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.

Your Dog's so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards...

Yo mama's so ugly, hold on....you got a mirror handy???

Yo Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.

Yo Uncle so ugly, Spielberg wants him in Addams Family 3

Your kid so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.

Yo Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering making ugliness a crime, punishable by the electric chair

Yo Momma's so ugly that she hurt my feelings...

Your doctor's so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!

[luetkemd]

Yo Mama So Stupid
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

she invented a silent car alarm.

that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

she lost her shadow.

she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

[luetkemd]

Your Mama So Fat
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.

she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy

she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie

NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer

she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...

small objects orbit her.

she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.

when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!

she could be the eighth continent.

she nearly put Safeway out of business

the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.

her Uni graduation photo was an aerial

when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.

she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.

her fave food is seconds.

her belt size is Equator.

she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid

she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her

she shows up on radar.

she needs a map to find her butt.

she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!

she wears an asteroid belt.

her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'

she has TB ... 2 bellys.

she's once, twice, three times a lady.

she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.

the circus use her as a trampoline

stunt agencies use her as an air mattress

when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'

she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen

she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!

she deep fries her toothpaste.

[luetkemd]

Yo Moma So Poor
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

they put her photo on food stamps.

when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

burglars break into her home and leave money.

when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

the building society repossed her cardboard box.

she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers

she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.

when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.

I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'

I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."

I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"

I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."

only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...

when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."

she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...

she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

I went into her 'living room', stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"

I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"

I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.

she does drive by shootings on the school bus.

when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"

[luetkemd]

Yo Moma So Old
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.

Jurassic Park brought back the memories...

when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.

she still owes Moses a dollar.

when she was at school...there was No history class!

she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea

she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.

when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock

she even made Yoda jealous.

she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.

the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake

when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.

she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade

her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.

her birthday expired.

when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!

she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.

[dsmm]

luetkemd you are nailing the system.
you're really good with "YO MOMMA" Jokes.
so i'll not even try to "high" you.
but i do have a stupid one: YO MOMMA is so dumb that she watered the icq flower.