Angel's Funnies...

[Angel C]

It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending
>the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
>sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The
>zoo is not very busy this morning.As they walk through the ape exhibit,
>they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the woman, the
>gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand
>(and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is
>obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband,
>noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife
>teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips,
>wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets
>even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband
>suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
>She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting
>your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him." he says. This drives
>the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband
>nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her into
>the cage with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM you
>have a headache . . . "

[Angel C]

Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
>Bacteria...................Back door to cafeteria.
>Barium.....................What doctors do when patients die.
>Cesarean Section....A neighborhood in Rome.
>Catscan..................Searching for Kitty.
>Cauterize................Made eye contact with her.
>Colic.......................A sheep dog.
>Coma.......................A punctuation mark.
>D&C........................Where Washington is.
>Dilate......................To live long.
>Enema.....................Not a friend.
>Fester.....................Quicker than someone else.
>Fibula......................A small lie.
>G.I.Series................World Series of military baseball.
>Hangnail..................What you hang your coat on.
>Impotent.................Distinguished,
>well known.
>Labor Pain..............Getting hurt at work.
>Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane.
>Morbid....................A higher offer than I bid.
>Nitrates..................Cheaper than day rates.
>Node.......................I knew it.
>Outpatient.............A person who has fainted.
>Pap Smear...............A fatherhood test.
>Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
>Post Operative.......A letter carrier.
>Recovery Room......Place to do upholstery.
>Rectum..................Damn near killed him.
>Secretion...............Hiding something
>Seizure...................Roman emperor.
>Tablet....................A small table.
>Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the airport.
>Tumor....................More than one.
>Urine.....................Opposite of mine.
>Varicose.................Near by/close by

[Angel C]

things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/friend is taking their
sweet time:


1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in

house wares ..... and see what happens.

4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't
you people just leave me alone?'

8. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your
nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows

where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission
Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different
size funnels.

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least...

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then
yell
very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

[Angel C]

I know you from somewhere . . .
>
>A guy is in line at the supermarket, when he notices that a very sexy
>Blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
>
>So, he says "Sorry, do you know me?"
>
>She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father
>of one of my children."
>
>His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful.
>
>"Holy crap," he says, "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that
>I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends, while your
>girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my
>ass?"
>
>"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher.

[ink]

HAHAHAHHAHA! lol good joke... but ghetto terms... i really didnt get thoes :/ lol