Enjoy The Jokes

[Frogprince]

There once was a college professor who didn't buy into the whole "there's no
such thing as a stupid question" philosophy. Every year when he had a new
class he instructed the students to ask him as many stupid questions as they
could think of on the first day. That way, he figured, there'd be a
minimized amount of stupidity for the duration of the term.



The professor thought he'd heard every stupid question there was and didn't
laugh no matter what his students asked him, not even a smirk. Then,
finally, a student asked something that he'd never heard before. The
question made him laugh so hard he couldn't stand up. A lanky, tomboyish
girl raised her hand with a wry smile on her face, stood up and asked, "What
is a question?"

[Frogprince]

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him
for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the
beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he
realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts
with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money,
But if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will
certainly help you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea".
He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to
the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told
the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really
good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race
course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will
place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying,
"Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad
habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his
home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of
receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts
and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad
habits looks like !!!!"

[Frogprince]

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of
the game, all they kept s creaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!

[Frogprince]

Things Dogs Need To Remember

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up
When I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge,
Behind the sofa or under the bed.

I must shake the rainwater out of my
Fur before entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food,
Before they eat it or after they throw it up.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces
Of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, deer, etc.
Just because I like the way they smell.

"Kitty box crunchies,"
Although they are tasty, are not food.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not chew my human's
Toothbrush and not tell them.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the
Window rolled down when it's raining outside.

[Artsite]

nice one hahaah lol

[polly-ester]

In a retirement home, an old man of 90 and a lady of 80 were both wheelchair-bound. One day he asks her 'do you want to come up to my room and have a go at it' but she says, "no don't be silly, we're too old"
Then he says "well, can't you just take it out and hold it for a while" and she says 'ok'

So they start seeing each other and meet up everyday in the TV room.
One evening though, the man never turned up and the woman was very disappointed. Three nights went by and the man still didn't turn up. So when she saw him next she wheeled up to him and said 'Hey, where have you been, I've missed you '

The man said he was sorry but he'd met another lady. The woman, tearfully said 'Well what's she got that I haven't?'.

The man sighed contentedly and replied: 'Parkinson..'

[yokamaru]

Pete and Re-Pete were sitting on a log Pete fell off, who is left?

[yokamaru]

A woman goes to the Doc. and what is this on my ......? the Doc asks, how often do u have ...? Twice a year she replies. thats rust woman!!!